#but my recent attempts to get back into reading and find a good romance this last year has kinda shown me

[coolspacequips]

Have been reading this sci-fi romance and like UGH u ever really wish a book was just at least a little better??? There's stuff in this that's interesting but also a lot about it that's so... Juvenile and kinda undercooked lol...... But it's so hard finding good romance bc for a lot of romance readers this is enough, except even then not really since they prolly didn't fuck nasty enough in this book for the ppl that just need the merest pretense to read smut (which is fine if that's what u like there's just an oversaturation of this, esp when you can have a light plot/heavy smut story with slightly better writing and internal world building without having to explain and describe the 'boring' parts 😅)

[tteokdoroki]

THIRD TIME'S A CHARM - kento nanami.

✩ — about. “my coworker is a wonderful person. they’re kind and sweet. they care a lot about others. recently, i’ve been having some…less than platonic feelings for them and i don’t know how to handle it." kento nanami never cared for workplace shenanigans. he never took his mind off of work. and he never thought he would develop feelings for his coworker, nor expect for them to feel the same way about him. what happens when he misses your three attempts to ask him out? perhaps reddit will know... ( 5.5K )

✩ — warnings. minors, blank and ageless blogs do not interact! sfw, fluff, angst, happy ending  - video banner ! AITA-verse!au, office romance!au, mutual pinining, cluelessness, misunderstandings, christmas time, mentions of alcohol, office worker!nanami, afab!reader.

✩ — things to note. happy monday everyone, i have for you yet another fic to go with my gojo one! this story was written as a gift for @antizenin bc i love her so bad !! can be read as a stand-alone but does make refrences to my AITA gojo fic !! thank you to @todorosie for beta reading! hope you enjoy beloveds <3 - series m.list ⋆ m.list ⋆ read on ao3 ! ִ ࣪𖤐₊ ⊹

my coworker is a wonderful person. they’re kind and sweet. they care a lot about others. recently, i’ve been having some…less than platonic feelings for them and i don’t know how to handle it. my chest feels tight when they’re away and whenever they’re nearby my heart beats so fast i feel like i might pass. it would be a pleasure to date them or to just stand by them… there’s only one problem. i’m not usually the type of guy who engages in workplace shenanigans, i hardly know how to interact with people outside of the confines of my work. my coworker has made a few advances, at least i think they have. i don’t know how to respond or whether or not i’m over-thinking this. do they even like me? is it all in my head? i could really do with some advice… how should i go about this and telling them how i feel?  TLDR: i have a crush on my coworker but i can’t, for the life of me, tell if they like me back. 

you’ve always liked your co-worker, kento nanami.

to those who don’t know him, he appears quite stoic and blunt, cold even. like the crisp weather at the start of winter, air that’s sharp and bites unpleasantly at your nose. nanami tends to act the same towards those he holds no affections for, blocking them out as if he were a fortress made of stone.

one may even paint a picture of kento nanami as a lone wolf — callous and uninterested in the buzz of the office. he stays late, works long hours, never engages with the gossip on your floor after work. 

that’s only the beginning of how the world sees your blonde co-worker.

but you have come to know nanami, in your short time working for Gojo Corporations. you’ve not been there very long, still adapting to the office culture and your brand new line of work, but in the few months that you have been finding your equilibrium in the office — you’ve gotten used to nanami’s demeanour, his ethic, his lifestyle. you’ve come to appreciate it, and him. 

the man works hard, with a quiet confidence about him that puts your mind at ease — a quality you only wished that you had. it makes you curious, how little he seems to care about what it is Gojo Corp actually does but how much of his time he puts into it and how much he cares for the people around him too. you’ve learned, by taking the desk to nanami’s left, that he’d risen pretty quickly in the company, he begrudgingly seems to be gojo’s (your boss’) favourite employee and that he’s surprisingly good at what he does for someone who hates it so much. 

he presents at meetings and debfriefs calmly, always gets through his tasks with an air of rationale and when you’d first started…nanami was kind, gently leading you through your own work as if he’d taken your hand in his and was guiding you to some place warmer — away from the chill of your nerves and self-doubt. in his own way, he cared. nanami was not as cold as one might think. 

there’s so much more to him than what meets the average human eye. ever since joining the company — you found yourself curious, wanting to know everything about him. what drives him, what pisses him off, where he wants to go and who he wants to be. beneath his calm, collected and commanding aura there is a man whose heart holds many secrets. a man you want to know… and might even want to be with.

the very thought of being with nanami makes you shy where you wish that you weren’t. maybe then, you could tell the blonde office man how handsome you thought he looked while concentrating on filing reports and paperwork. perhaps you could then steel your nerves and stop the shake in your voice while telling him how much you like the low dip in his own when he explains KPIs and stock markets to you. not to mention how hard he works on keeping his patience with not just you… but the interns megumi, nobara and yuuji as well (yuuji was the brother of someone your boss new very well back in college, apparently). the ways in which he’s taken the young trio under your wing, it’s a wonder you haven’t had baby fever yet.

nanami even extends the same grace to your man-child of a boss, he wouldn’t have stayed working for Gojo Corp and for satoru gojo if he didn’t. in some ways, they were like a little family at the company, and nanami was the responsible one always picking up gojo’s messes and holding the others together. 

especially on days when gojo came into work emotional over developments in his ex’s new life.

still, nanami stayed. 

and your crush on him bloomed like a light frost spreading across the double-glazed glass of a window. 

you felt your heartbeat speed up whenever nanami was close by and you could smell the ginger and cinnamon on him, not to mention, the hairs on the back of your neck would stand whenever your hands brushed over one another’s. nanami was warm on the inside, you knew that — he liked his interns, he cared for gojo especially when the days were tough (like when he holed himself up in his office after finding out his ex was getting engaged). he even brought lunch for the office floor. mostly soup for haibara whenever he got sick. 

you knew deep down that nanami was soft and loving — you felt that he needed love too. you wanted to be the one to give it to him, even if it was the last thing you did.

ATTEMPT #ONE - THE CHRISTMAS PARTY. 

satoru gojo’s office holiday parties were far from what was considered appropriate for the workplace. 

with thousand dollar bottles of booze and jars of caviar dotted about the main conference room — it was hard for anyone not to be in high spirits. the notes of cheery christmas carols drift through your ears and the tinsel that your boss had thrown over your shoulders scratches at your neck uncomfortably. you’re not one for buzzing celebrations like this, they’re too noisy and loud, but gojo has made you promise to attend this year's party… and he was oddly convincing for a manager this unserious. 

ultimately, you were glad that you’d decided to come because while being spoiled by your boss was all good and fun — it provided you with the perfect social setting and opportunity to speak to your longtime crush, nanami. 

like you, he wasn’t a fan of forced mingling in the office, and had no interest in consoling his tipsy manager who was currently crying up a storm into one of his poor intern’s shoulders. the blonde office man kept to himself, tucked away by the bright lights of the christmas tree as he nursed a piping hot coffee — he wouldn’t be getting drunk on company time. 

you manage to break away from conversing with shoko and make your way over to the latter co-worker, swallowing down your nerves with a swig of the moscato satoru had so generously picked out for you — knowing that you liked the sweeter stuff and that it would probably loosen your lips enough for you to get this over with (he and those interns were fully aware of how much you admired kento nanami). sliding up beside the man, your long, embroided skirts swish against his ankles — only serving to pull his attention away from his work phone and onto you. 

taking a sip of your drink to warm yourself up with liquid courage and break the ice — you hum, quietly. “any plans for the holidays, kento?” you ask him simply, and though your deep and gorgeous brown eyes stay trained on the bubbles in your glass — you can feel kento’s own chocolatey pair land on the side of your face. whether they’re scrutinising you or admiring you, you can’t actually tell.

if you were looking, you’d be able to see the way that the sharp edges of kento’s usual expression soften across his face — the straight line of his lips are parted, his furrowed brows becomes relax and his posture no longer ridged, but instead, at ease. if you were looking you’d know that out of all of his co-workers (aside from the interns), kento is most comfortable around you. he find your meek and cautious demeanour adorable and the way that you sometimes awkwardly flutter around him in conversations is cute. 

“not much, just working.” he responds quickly and shortly. to anyone else, they would have taken nanami’s reply as cold and callous, but you? you smile softly, glad that he’s even taking part in your small talk. 

you’ve always been a little quieter than most colleagues at Gojo Corp, but you’ve always tried your hardest to make connections and bring the group together. you care for the interns so deeply, helping them to learn from your initial mistakes at the organisation and to do better. he likes that you’re good company, knowing just the right things to ask and when, allowing for comfortable silences when no one in the team feels like talking.

nanami likes you. 

and perhaps that’s what makes him awkward around you as well, the very fact that he can’t find fault in you — that you’re too sweet and kind and gentle to complain about like he would with nagging gojo. what does he say to someone as wonderful as you?

he doesn’t want the moment to end, however. “how about you?” 

the blonde says your name softly, as though he’s testing it out on his tongue — and you can’t help the warmth that blooms like a spring rose in your chest at the honeysuckle sound. you’re hot all over and you’re sure it’s not the alcohol. 

“f-family!” you squeak shyly, voice high pitched as you fend off excitement — having nanami elaborate on your conversations isn’t a usual occurrence. coughing, you take a sip of your drink and knock it down a notch. not that kento would want you to, since he finds your enthusiasm to chat with him so endearing. “i have family…coming. o-over the break! flying in from abroad, so it’s going to be special.”  the blonde’s brow raises with interest, and you latch onto the opportunity to speak with him further, basking in your quiet moment together. “i’m not usually one to cook, but my mother and i will be handling dinner together! so it’ll be a mix of all sorts of foods. traditional and from our home country too.” 

nanami slips his work phone away in order to give you his full attention. “that sounds…wonderful,” he settles on saying. he wonders what your family is like, if they’re as shy and endearing as you or louder like that of the dynamics at the office. he imagines you surrounded by love, by laughter and warmth… and can’t help but yearn for the same. “i do miss home cooking, christmas in new york isn’t quite the same as japan.”

“t-then you’re welcome to spend christmas with us!” you blurt before your mind can even process what you’ve said. now you really must be drunk, or tipsy at the very least. who just invites their coworkers over to their house without getting to know them first. “we’ll have more than enough to fix you a plate…if you’d like,” despite your overexcited blunder, you remain hopeful that nanami will accept your invitation or at least get the hint. that you want to know him better and spend more time with him. 

but nanami doesn’t take the hint, he can’t seem to figure out why you’d want to spend time with him outside of work, and so, puts up a respectful boundary. nanami smiles and puts down the coffee he’d been drinking. “i wouldn’t want to impose on your time with family.” 

you frown, the stacked bricks of your excitement coming tumbling down. “kento that’s not what i meant—“ 

“look!” gojo cuts in, slurring from across the room as he points a shaky finger at the two of you by the tree. “they’re standin’ un’da the mistletoe!”

both yourself and nanami look up in disbelief to find yourselves standing under calculatedly placed mistletoe — no doubt due to the meddling of your boss. though you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to kiss nanami, it was more of question as to whether or not he wanted to kiss you.

“gojo, you’re drunk. and i really should be getting back to work.” kento insists, clearing his throat and immediately looking away from you with a bashful blush. you’re perfect, and darling, and to kiss you really would make kento’s day…but he’d never want to make you uncomfortable or put you on the spot like this. “i have budget reports for your meeting in a few hours.” 

“fuck the reports, don’t you wanna kiss the pretty lady?” nanami looks to you, shying away from the conversation and squirming under the sudden attention of the office party-goers. “i wouldn’t want to make her uncomfortable.” 

“i-i wouldn’t be.” comes your hushed whisper. 

nanami coughs to clear his throat, flustered by you. “are you sure?” 

having had enough of your back and forth, dancing around one another like two teenagers confessing to each other on white day — gojo steps in, forcing his drunk yet authoritarian hand. “come on nanamin,” the white haired man drawls impatiently. “if you don’t kiss her! i will!” 

“no!” you and nanami bark adamantly in unison — causing gojo to smirk and stagger happily while megumi and yuuji hold him up.

 “then go ahead and kiss. or i’ll have to fire you.” 

the idea of losing your job over a trivial christmas tradition is enough to spook you into agreeing. that and you couldn’t imagine kissing satoru gojo… the thought makes you gag to yourself. “fine,” nanami grunts before looking to and addressing you next, “do you mind?” 

you nod once, breath shaky. “it’s okay.” 

“where are you most comfortable being kissed?”

“um, i haven’t… i’ve not had my first yet so…” 

“ah, i see. i won’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable then.” hearing the news makes something weird… stir within the blonde’s firm chest. being your first kiss, his co-worker’s first kiss is an appealing thought — almost a little twisted and selfish for him. to have that honour, to be the one you would give it to, makes his head spin. 

gojo cute through his train of thought, however. “god, would you too hurry it up!”

nanami rolls his eyes at his boss (which would have gotten anyone else fired.) but let’s the corners of his pink lips quirk up into a subtle smile directed at you, and only you. cautiously, he leans down as though not to spook you like a deer in the woods, and takes your hand in his larger and more calloused one. “sorry about this.” he hums quietly, the rough pad of his thumbs traversing through the ridges of your knuckles. 

“i-it’s fine.” you repeat your earlier sentiment, holding your burning breath as kento drags the back of your hand up to his lips. dark brown eyes meet even darker ones — your gentle gazes meeting in the middle as the tensions rise within the conference room. your entire body melts like butter in a pan and your heart bursts out your chest with the crescendo of the christmas music in the background when kento nanami presses a soft chaste kiss to the back of your hand.

your kiss under the mistletoe. 

once he breaks eye contact and snaps out of it — nanami is quick to announce is departure, covering up his flustered expression. “now, i really must be getting back to work. thank you for the party gojo,  kids,”  he nods at you softly with an utterance of your name and leaves not long after, leaving you with a flurry of butterflies in your tummy. 

leaving you a sheepish, warm mess because while you had intended to ask nanami out and failed, you still managed to get somewhat of a kiss. 

you press your hand to your lips, feeling the warmth of kento’s lips embedded into the skin there. somehow, you find it within yourself to ignore gojo's whine for a proper mistletoe liplock in the background — choosing to focus on the lingering touch left by your crush.

“how about the receptionist, she’s into you!” you hear yuuji suggest, earning a cheer from your stupid silver haired boss. 

the three interns plus gojo disappear from the party after that, while you remain stuck in place like a statue made of stones— repeating the kiss in your head over and over again, in your thoughts drowning in images of kento nanami. 

ATTEMPT #TWO - THE SECRET SANTA.

“good morning, kento!”

“good morning to you too,” 

bristling from nanami’s warm greeting (as well as him calling you by your first name), you shuffle into the seat beside him with cold cheeks and bright eyes — doing your best to quietly shift out of your winter attire to make sure you don’t disturb the rest of the conference room. you’ve just snuck into the team meeting for Gojo Corp’s annual secret santa. this year would be your first time taking part and it took a hell of a lot of bribing (not really, just some locally made daifuku and the number of the receptionist gojo might be crushing on) to convince your boss to give you nanami for the special festive event. 

picking out a gift for your blonde haired and stoic presenting crush proved difficult at first. you already knew that kento spent a lot of time at the office, working hard and dedicating himself to hours of paperwork — but that wasn’t exactly useful to know when it came to gift giving. however, after weeks of gathering intel by tapping into whatever office buzz nanami was involved in and sharing short exchanges with him by the coffee cart outside of Gojo Corp, you’ve managed to learn two things about kento nanami.

one, his appreciation for something homemade or cooked — like the quaint family owned bakery not too far from the office. 

and two, his dream destination. the one place that he’s always wanted to vacation to — Kuantan, Malaysia. 

now you couldn’t exactly afford to just splurge and buy him a ticket over there, not to mention there was a considerate budget placed on gifts…but what you could do is bring nanami’s favourite things to the office. while gojo sets out the rules for staff, you gently place your carefully wrapped presents on the table before you, again, trying to avoid making a ruckus with the crinkling wrapping paper. 

“you’re a little later than usual.” nanami comments to you in a low tone, having been watching you this entire time. 

he would feel weird saying it out loud, but he notices that you’re always early into the office — clicking in around twenty minutes to nine every day and that you take your time in setting up your desk for the day. as though you have a routine to calm your anxieties.

“i had to stop by somewhere for a last minute gift.” you grin after a hushed quip. and nanami can’t help but find it contagious. you’re a warm ray of sunshine to him — one that he can’t help but want to bask under and be near, especially during this winter cold. you make kento feel at peace with your calm aura. the way you speak so tenderly and kindly. as he turns his attention back to a blabbering gojo, he finds himself growing jealous of whoever received your gift. whoever it is, he hopes that they appreciate your thoughtfulness.

after the rules are done, everything is exchanged between assigned pairs as gojo calls up who was responsible form who.

elation courses through nanami’s veins once he learns that his secret santa was you —  happy to know that he is about to be on the receiving end of your perfectly wrapped presents. 

“i hope you like them,” you bleat shyly, passing him the leopard print-covered gifts. the very sight makes him grin, since the paper matches his usual work tie.  

the blonde takes his time unwrapping each layer of paper — as if he doesn’t want to ruin all the hard work you put into presenting this perfectly for him. a strong wave of fondness crashes over your co-worker once the first present is revealed. nanami’s favourite, freshly baked sandwich from the japanese bakery downtown. the one he visits every day, and the same sandwich he orders every time. the one that fills him with nostalgia and reminds him of home. 

the next gift is even more thoughtful, and he fights off the urge to clutch his chest — as if cupid has shot an arrow right through his heart and made it yearn for you and your kindness. it’s a crocheted water lily, like those found in the Taman Gelora park in Malaysia. the same park that nanami has always wanted to go to. 

there’s a little postcard of the location too — with a note scribbled in your precise handwriting, wishing nanami a happy christmas. he tries not to dwell on the heart signed next to your name.

your saccharine voice slices through kento’s wild and appreciative thoughts delicately and he spares you a glance, watching your features as they illuminate with happiness from his reaction. you can tell that he likes your gift, and that fills you both with joy. “i heard from a little bird that you’ve always wanted to take a trip to Kuantan. and while i couldn’t get you a ticket myself, i figured these would be the next best thing. plus some food for your flight.” you joke while nanami thumbs the ridges of the yarn making up his water lily gift. 

he laughs then, remembering how yuuji had grilled him about his dream vacation weeks back. it must have been for you. 

you’re so selfless and thoughtful, it still blows the blonde office man’s mind that you would have gone through the trouble of getting him such a gift. most times, colleagues at Gojo Corp settle for fancy chocolates or snooty vouchers for department stores… but you used so much of your own time and effort to create something that kento nanami would truly appreciate. it drives him mad that he can’t seem to figure out why. why would you do something so nice for him? 

“i wish i could have gotten you something in return.” he mumbles fondly.

“i don’t need anything from you kento,” you say sweetly, making his heart race as you put your hand over his. “i appreciate you and you’re my friend. i don’t need anything more.” you figure now is a bad time to confess to him, in front of everyone. though you might have chosen the wrong words — because while you do want more from nanami, he now thinks that you don’t, pulling away from you slightly. “i… i appreciate everything you do for the company. a-and i like spending time with you. being your friend.” 

you facepalm internally, knowing you could have worded yourself better — but the realisation comes a little too late, for nanami is already pulling away from you, his once soft smile falling into place with the harsh lines of a frown. “thank you for the gifts,” he says, a little colder. now that he’s figured out why you truly made him those gifts. you see nanami as a friend, a good one. nothing more, like he had secretly hoped. “i must be getting back to work.” 

“o-oh but kento—“ he looks down at you icily, you have no idea why he’s being so cold. he hasn’t a clue either, it’s not like you know of his affections or fondness towards you. you thought that calling yourselves  friends would be just fine… at least until you found the confidence to confess properly. “nanami…did i offend you? i didn’t mean to pry with your gifts! i just wanted them to be perfect—“

“—you’re fine. just… duty calls. paperwork.” 

“oh, right.” you reply, weak and defeated, thinking that he’s mad at you. rejecting you again. “good luck nanami…”

“thanks,” he mumbles. “for this, and the gift.” 

“you’re welcome,” you say, mostly to yourself but before you can say more he’s disappeared from the conference room and gone back to his cubicle. 

ATTEMPT #THREE - THE EVE OF CHRISTMAS.

as mentioned before, your boss isn’t exactly the serious type.

satoru gojo is silly and often irresponsible in regards to work. he’s had a lot to deal with and a lot to learn, he covers his mistakes with charms and smiles, but he’s learning. and when it comes down to it, satoru cares for the company, the office and most importantly —  his staff.

which is why he makes it a rule that no one in his main team should work over the christmas period — with no exceptions. 

of course, the ever-dedicated kento nanami has always found a loop-hole in avoiding the festive rule and his manager’s simple christmas wish. which is why, much to your chargin, satoru has meddled a little bit and sent you into the office to send nanami home. usually you wouldn’t mind the opportunity to speak with your crush, but after your second rejection from him in such a short space of time, you’re not so sure your little heart can take seeing the man before the holidays. 

you’d agreed to satoru’s request nonetheless, your family didn't arrive until tomorrow and you couldn’t live with yourself if you let kento work through the night. you still had feelings for him after all. 

when you arrive at your office, it’s dark and dim — matching the evening and it’s weather outside. you assume that any cleaning staff have already gone home, instructed by nanami who would also hate to keep people behind on Christmas Eve. it seems like him to offer to clean up after himself.

rounding the corner, you spot him in the conference room, tucked away by the tree from your christmas party as he taps away at his work laptop — no doubt finishing the Q3 report. you push past the glass door and make your way inside, tugging your scarf, hat and coat off while you watch nanami work. you hang them all up on a nearby coat rack.

“i know you’re there,” he speaks into the dark silence. “is that you, satoru? i’m not going home.” 

“actually, satoru sent me in here to make sure you weren’t working on Christmas Eve.” you respond in an even tone, ignoring the slash of hurt over your heart when nanami fails to even spare you so much as a glance upon hearing your dulcet voice. 

he instead scoffs, returning to his work. “tell him that i’m fine. i don’t need to be babysat. i know when to take a break.” kento doesn’t why he’s being so harsh with you, it’s not like you knew of his feelings. calling him your friend had been a token of kindness, but he let his rationality slip away and acted out because… what? he was afraid of your rejection?

despite his mean words, you stand your ground and refuse to leave kento alone. “i figured you might say that, so i bought you some food. these are cookies from the bakery that you like and they should keep you going,” you rummage in your tote for a small of cookies — pushing them across the large conference table for your stubborn blond co-worker. “the girl that works there is sweet. maybe we should go sometime, we can take a break from your work and have some cold turkey sandwiches ahead of Christmas Day—“

“if i wanted sweets i would have called up that meddling boss of ours, satoru,” nanami seethes, losing his patience. the more he looks at you, those big brown eyes and your soft, beautiful face, the more hurt he feels, the more nauseated he feels knowing that you might not like him the way he likes you. as  just friends, instead of something more. “why are you here?” 

you blink back your suprise. “w-what?” 

“don’t you have family to be spending the night with?”

“i do it’s just… i worry about you, nanami. you work too hard, it’s christmas.” 

“i really, really would like to finish the report so i can go home.” 

your face scrunches up with rage and using that same fury, you march over the blonde man in three short strides — grabbing his chair and whirling him around to face you. you slam his laptop closed with enough power to shatter the damn thing, fixing nanami to look at you. ”what is wrong with you?” 

“pardon?” 

“i’ve… i’ve been trying all month to show you how much..how much i care about you and how much i like you. but it’s like you don’t even see me.” your voice warbles despite how angry you are, tears threatening to spill over the edge of your lashes. everything hurts, you don’t know what you’ve done to make nanami resent you in the way that he does now. perhaps if you were different, more confident and self assured maybe he would notice your gestures and implications. maybe he would like you back.

you wish for the darkness of the office to swallow you whole and make you disappear as you and nanami do nothing but stare blankly at each other. however, the lights on the obnoxious christmas tree continue to flash in the corner — illuminating the crystal tears clumped in your lashes and the slope of your features with a perfect golden glow. nanami sees you, he always has…but what good would a man like him be to a girl like you? sure, he wants to settle down, wants christmas with someone he loves, somewhere comfortable where he doesn’t have to worry about a thing — let alone money.

…but nanami is a tough nut to crack, he keeps to himself so much that even now you’re struggling hard to get him to speak his truth, and his feelings. he wouldn’t want you to give up trying even while he struggles to open up. 

“i see you.” finally, kento finds his confidence and admits his truth to you. “i always have.” 

he stands from his seat, towering over you and you stumble back. “do you? i’ve tried so hard… to tell you…”

the blonde leans down to your height and your words trail off, overwhelmed by him. “to tell me what?” 

he prays that you can’t hear the pound of his heart against his ribcage or the blood rushing through his ears… but nanami has never stepped out of line or taken a risk and if he doesn’t, break the rules, he could risk losing the one good thing at this god forsaken place. “that i… that i like you. kento. i-i’m fond of you.” you exhale through your words, succumbing to everything that makes up kento nanami. his scent, gingerbread and fresh mint, makes you dizzy, his proximity makes your world tilt on its axis and you’re so nervous that you latch onto the collar of his dark blue dress shirt to keep yourself steady. 

nanami seizes the opportunity to pour into you every emotion that he can’t bring himself to say. his large hands settle gingerly on the small of your back and his warm breath coasts over your fleshly lower lip, as if to ask for permission to kiss you properly. “may i?” comes his timbre voice, equality as shaky as yours had been earlier. you shake your head ‘yes’, giving nanami your consent to press his lips against your own in a life changing kiss. the action is tender, guiding you in all of the right places where you lack experience. the fists you'd formed in the collar of his shirt loosen the more that nanami works your lips in his gentle kiss — warming the frost over your little heart. 

“i’m quite fond of you too,” he says your name after finally giving you the room that you need to breathe and kento brushes a thumb over your the swell bottom lip before he kisses you gently again. “i’m sorry i didn’t say so earlier.” 

still holding onto him, a breathy chuckle escapes you as if you’re in shock. “w-what…what changed your mind? i thought you didn’t like me like that…”

“it wasn’t my mind that needed changing. it was the way i saw how you felt about me… i should have asked instead of assuming you only saw me as a friend. that was my mistake,” nanami explains carefully, choosing his words wisely. “you’ve been fair and kind to me, and i failed to give you the same grace due to my own doubts. i admire you, and should have confessed to you sooner but i—“ 

“but you wanted to finish working first, i get it.” you giggle and lean up to peck kento on the lips, stealing the words right out of his mouth. “just… please talk to me next time. i thought you were mad at me.” 

your blonde co-worker, crush and now.. partner? (that was to be decided) gives your waist an apologetic squeeze — acknowledging his mistakes. “i owe you that much,” he replies warmly, “now how about those turkey sandwiches you were talking about?” nanami questions you awkwardly, in his own charming way of asking you out for a date on christmas eve. 

after packing up and like a gentleman, he retrieves your scarf, hat and coat from the nearby coat rack by the door and gently pulls them over you one by one. like he cares, like he might even love you. he even zips you up to protect your cheeks from the bitter cold. nanami folds his own coat over the bend of his and grasps your hand firmly in his — keeping you close as you walk out of the office, a newly formed christmas couple. 

somewhere off in the distance, the boss of the Gojo Corp office watches with a sly grin. while satoru might not have gotten his holiday romance, he’s glad his little plan was enough to get yourself and nanami together. 

꒰ end. — all rights reserved © tteokdoroki 2024. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.

[chaoticbardlady99]

I Triple Dog Dare You (Astarion x F!Reader) (Part 2 to Pinkie Promise)

CW: Angst, mentions of trauma, mentions of sexual trauma, mentions of bullying, mentions of parental death, mentions of domestic violence, mentions of voyeurism

Both titles have been inspired by the song ‘School Nights’ by Chappell Roan

Dedicated to @amica-aenigmata-naboo - thank you for demanding a part two 😂

Part 1: Pinkie Promise?

✨this has been proof read once and I have been awake and working since 3 am. It is not 10:04 pm. Please help✨

You finish your letter by folding it into thirds and then writing ‘Star’ on the back. You take a deep breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth- reminding yourself that you already know he likes you back, you are just taking that last extra little step. You also can’t attempt to write this letter again- this is your 8th draft, the others turning into flames in your hands very quickly.

You want to ask Astarion to be in a serious relationship with you. You have only been seeing each other (as far as you know) and you’ve spent almost everyday sleeping with him in his tent since you had ventured into the Underdark. Most of the time- you don’t even have sex. You stay up talking together and sharing soft kisses- no clothes, just intimacy. You adore those moments immensely.

Life around camp has also been good- everyone is finally beginning to get along. Shadowheart and Lae’zel even silently respect each other now. It feels like one big happy family and you are grateful for them when this whole journey feels far too big and scary.

Recently, you and your crew have been playing an ongoing game of “Triple Dog Dare”. The only rule is you can’t dare someone in the middle of a battle or a serious mission. Otherwise- it’s all fair game and if you decline to do it, you have to take the darers’ guard duty or help them with a chore. The chores were limited to one task and it can’t be taking down a whole tent + equipment- the one time Astarion had to take down Gale’s tent had been disastrous. The dare had been to allow Gale to take you on a date- Astarion shot back with a “I triple dog dare you to swallow my fucking knife wizard.” All parties (minus Astarion) agreed that this dare was not to be followed through on.

The game has had… less than favorable results. Watching Wyll and Karlach streak across the camp while you were piss drunk was awful. Oh and the time Gale almost died because Wyll dared him to spy on the two of you for 20 minutes. You hadn’t heard his thoughts, but Astarion had. His head had shot up from between your legs with a furious look in his eyes. Astarion had covered your naked frame up quickly with his shirt (his trousers still on) and chased after Gale until he pushed the man into the freezing Underdark water.

The group then had to make a few more rules people didn’t realize they had to make. In Gale’s defense- Wyll didn’t specify and Wyll is a real snob about which chore he gives the person. It’s also the worst chore and usually includes de-stinking his boots. You are almost positive Wyll does this on purpose as repayment for all the headaches this groups’ shenanigans has given him-oh and the horns.

Karlach triple dog dared you today to finally confess your feelings to Astarion. You had gawked at her and then dared her to do the same with Dammon. You shook on it and it was done.

Finding out that Astarion’s life is in far more danger than any of them had realized shook you to your core. You are tired of wasting time being afraid to ask him what you already know (or at least hope you know). You are silently grateful that Karlach has given you the push you needed (you doubt she would have actually made you do anything- she wouldn’t put you on blast like that).

It just never felt like the right time in the past. Having your life be in constant danger is kind of a romance killer and you aren’t sure how the hell you are supposed to do this.

Do you court him? Do you ask him to court you?

You ultimately settled on just flat out telling him your feelings- politics be damned. It’s not like you were welcome in High Society anyway.

Now you are in the safety of Last Light Inn and it feels like the right time to bring this up. You worry that waiting any longer will result in him looking for someone more serious or maybe you would always just be a person he slept with during the journey to his freedom.

You hope you are more than that and you are almost positive you are. The way he looks at you, kisses you, and talks to you is so genuine- his eyes are always so soft and so are his lips. He protects you and you protect him. You adore him and you think he adores you too.

So naturally, walking up behind him and Shadowheart talking isn’t a nerve wracking endeavor to you. This is all going to go off without a hitch!

Or so you thought.

Your ears twitch and you barely hear what they say to each other, but you do. Gods you wish you hadn’t.

“You are insufferable, Cleric.” Astarion groans, “I already told you my answer.”

“Oh please- you follow them around like a lovesick puppy. You can’t honestly tell me you have absolutely no feelings for them.”

Shadowheart takes a long sip of her pint and raises an eyebrow at him. You remain in the shadow- your heart thumping out of your chest. Maybe he’ll say a lot of wonderful things about you? Maybe your hopes will be-

“Nope, not a single feeling outside of my carnal desires,” he says nonchalantly, “that’s all it’s been and they know that.”

Oh.

You feel all the air leave your lungs as you crumple your letter and shove it in your pocket. You don’t know why you insist on listening further.

“Then I triple dog dare you to go talk to someone and take them to bed. You will have no problem bedding that Harper who keeps giving you ‘fuck me’ eyes- I’m sure.”

Oh please no.

“You offend me- that’s hardly a challenge,” he says while standing up, sauntering over to the Harper that is eyeing him.

You promptly turn around and hurry out of the building. You can’t breathe. You should have known better.

You had always been Tav the Guillable, the Plain, the Insufferable, etc, etc. You had been thrown at your aunt and uncle when your parents passed. Your aunt and uncle lived in a nice Human only city and you are a ‘filthy half-breed.’

One of the boys in your Archery class found out you had a crush on him so he asked you to meet him by the river. You showed up with wild flowers for him- something your mother told you Wood Elf’s do to show affection. He showed up with your entire class- all of them laughing at you for being stupid enough to believe he liked you and then his future partner beat the shit out of you before throwing you into the rushing water. You wished you hadn’t survived, but a nice family who was tolerant towards Half breeds saved you. Your Aunt and Uncle were pissed. Admittedly, so were you.

They treated you terribly- constantly trying to marry you off to old men who you would turn away with your boorish behavior.

You really thought you had it right this time. Everything felt so natural and right- like you had been made for each other. What did you not pick up on? What did you miss this whole time? How could you have been so blind?

You pick up your bedroll on the way out- you were all going to sleep on the floor of the inn with the rest of the Harpers and Refugees, but you couldn’t pretend you wanted to be near Astarion like he does with you. You aren’t ready to confront him- you aren’t ready for the pretty illusion to be completely shattered and swept under the rug yet. You were just getting used to being someone he loved and now the whole world is crumbling underneath you.

It was barely anything- obviously- so why does it hurt this much?

You find yourself in front of Damon’s metal shop and he’s talking to Karlach. You clear your throat and they both look at you. Karlach suddenly looks concerned when she sees the look on your face.

“Could I sleep above your shop tonight?” You say with a strained voice, “behind the hay? I just… need to be alone.”

“Sure thing- it’s all yours.”

You smile gratefully at him and begin to climb up the ladder.

“Do you want me to tell Fangs, Soldier?”

You can hear the question in her voice. She is your best friend after all.

“No- please don’t,” you smile at her sadly, “I would prefer he doesn’t know where I am.”

Karlach nods in understanding, giving you a sad smile, and you go behind the hay and lay out your bedroll. It smells like him and you don’t know if that’s helping or hurting at this point, but you are mostly too tired to care.

Your heart hurts as you try to find sleep. You throw the crumpled note across the little loft and silently begin to cry.

At least you knew what it felt to give and receive love- even if it was false and unrequited the entire time.

*****************************************

Astarion is barely present for the conversation with the Harper male who is trying to impress him into bed. Astarion is only thinking of you and how much he wants to get this over with so you can find a more secluded spot together. Every morning to every night feels like far too long to wait to have a tender moment with you.

Astarion imagines leaving lingering kisses along your collar bones and your cheeks. He thinks about how he desperately needs to rebraid your hair. It’s been frizzy and unruly from all the fog- the baby hairs sticking out all over the place. He also needs to patch up your armor again- your Meilikki Cleric Armor ripped apart from the events of yesterday.

Mostly though, he wants to spend the off day tomorrow with just you. Astarion wants to find somewhere to hide or even just rent a room so that you can just be in each other’s presence un interrupted by the world. Astarion’s heart glows at the thought of the sexless intimacy you share. He’s so happy it’s not a priority to you- it’s allowed him to do things at his own pace and as he wants to which is very freeing to him.

Astarion had finally admitted to himself that his plan had well and truly failed- he has fallen for you very hard.

He doesn’t know what possessed him to lie to Shadowheart. He mostly just didn’t want to be pressured to leap forward. Astarion isn’t sure if you want to be something real with him and he also doesn’t know if you are hell bent on being a proper noble woman who marries a proper noble man. It would break his heart if you rejected him and Astarion has no desire to feel that way. For now, Astarion will bask in his peaceful ignorance.

The Harper man eventually scowls at Astarion and tells him to fuck off if he isn’t interested. Astarion goes back to Shadowheart with an annoyed look on his face.

“Fine- you win, Cleric,” Astarion scowls, “I have feelings for them. I couldn’t even give that man a moment of my attention because I couldn’t stop thinking about them so if you will excuse me-“

Shadowheart squeals in delight and Astarion rolls his eyes. Astarion walks around the entire inn and property- you are nowhere to be found. Astarion is beginning to become more and more worried. Astarion is pacing out front when Karlach and Dammon come up to the Inn- ready to hit the sack.

“Karlach,” Astarion says, a bit more panicked than he means to, “where is Tav? I’ve been looking for them everywhere and I can’t find them!”

Karlach looks suddenly uncomfortable and like she definitely knows where you are.

“Karlach if you know where Tav is-“

“I do!” She says exasperated, “but they specifically asked that you don’t know and I don’t blame them! You gonna go fuck them and pretend to have feelings for them again for the billionth time?”

Astarion is stock still and horribly confused. What in the hells is she talking about? Karlach shoves a piece of crumpled paper into his hands and shakes her head at him.

“You know- if you are going to fuck with someone’s feelings,” Karlach tries to keep her patience, “maybe don’t pick the nicest person in the room. Honestly Fangs- fuck you. I thought you were better than that.”

Astarion is at a loss for words- which is very rare for him. He slowly unfolds the note- hoping it might put some of the pieces together.

Star,

I have really come to enjoy your company and our time together.

I am quite smitten with you and I’m too nervous to say this out loud, but I would like to be able to call you my partner (in a romantic sense)- if you return my feelings, that is.

If not, no worries. All I want is for you to be happy.

-Tav

The pieces click together like a haunting tune.

You had heard everything that was said between him and Shadowheart. Obviously you didn’t stick around for the important part, but Gods you must be heartbroken.

Astarion has to assume you were hiding somewhere in Damon’s shop if Karlach is the one who knows where you are. He had been avoiding the shop initially so that Karlach could have her privacy with Dammon. Now it’s fair game.

Astarion quickly walks towards the shop and as soon as he enters- his ears pick up your quiet sobbing. Your thoughts are loud and unguarded- his words playing in your head over and over again. You are wondering why you aren’t good enough. Astarion finally sees what you have refused to show him- your parents are long gone, despite the fact that you talk about them as if they are waiting for you to come home. Your Aunt, Uncle, cousins, and an entire society have rejected you, humiliated you, and belittled you. This just happens to be the salt in the wound. You keep looping through the thought of how stupid you are to have missed this of all damn things. How could you even begin to think he would actually want you? Plain, boring, ugly, half-breed Tav.

Oh my Darling, what have I done?

Shadowheart had been teasing him relentlessly ever since you had all arrived back to the safety of Last Light Inn. You had led them all to support Astarion in finding out more about the scars carved into his back. It had been incredibly dangerous and Shadowheart had had to heal him more than usual- he kept putting himself between you and every bomb, warrior, etc. He wanted her to stop- he likes the privacy of his little world with you.

Now he’s demolished that world and your heart in less than an hour. Astarion was actually nervous earlier- realizing how deep his feelings for you are and how much he wants something real with you. He just isn’t close enough with Shadowheart to share those feelings out loud willingly. Astarion is thrilled that you feel the same way, but now he isn’t sure he can convince you that his feelings are genuine and not a giant lie.

Astarion slowly makes his way up the ladder and he hears your sobbing stop- one single sniffle occurring before silence.

“Darling?” he asks quietly.

The air is tense and Astarion feels more nervous than a school boy with a crush. You hiccup.

“Astarion.”

Your voice is strained and cracks- he can hear the effort you put into trying to make your voice sound steady and normal.

You are definitely not happy with him. You usually address him as Star when he first arrives in your orbit.

Astarion takes it as a good sign that you are at least willing to speak with him.

“It’s come to my attention that you may have overheard a conversation without context and without staying until the end,” Astarion says slowly, “I was hoping you might let me explain myself.”

You sit up gingerly, your head bent, and look up at him with puffy, bloodshot eyes. Your bottom lip is swollen- you often worry it between your teeth when you are upset. He doesn’t like when you are upset, but he does love how incredibly delicious it makes your lips look. Your skin is under a veil of tears and your cheeks are stained pink from you rubbing away the sadness from your face. It’s unfair how beautiful a crier you are.

Astarion decides to go against his better judgement and he crawls towards you. You look at him with a guarded expression, but you don’t fight him as he pulls you into his lap- his fingers moving the hair out of your face and wiping the remaining tears from your cheeks.

“Shadowheart was teasing me for being… overly concerned with your safety today,” Astarion begins, “I just didn’t want to- her and I aren’t close enough for me to-“

Astarion huffs in frustration and looks down at the floor momentarily before making direct eye contact with you. He decides to use the tadpole- maybe showing will make more sense than explaining.

Astarion shows you his original intentions of manipulating you- his musings over your beauty, but your aggravating naivety and the annoyance at your persistent kindness. He feels you flinch a little, but your body begins to relax against his as you watch his feelings change. Astarion lets you see all of his jealousy, confusion, fear, and adoration for you. He even lets you see his turmoil during sex. Astarion enjoys himself with you- more than he’s ever enjoyed himself with anyone, but the self-loathing and disgust pose a challenge during intimate moments.

Lastly, Astarion shows you how scared he is to lose you. He lets the feeling consume him and he feels like he’s a rope ready to snap at any moment. His mind wanders to how much he doesn’t ever want to have to miss you- the beautiful moments you have shared together and how much joy you have brought to his life. You make him want to be a better person- well at least in your presence. Astarion would do just about anything for you.

You press your forehead to his and release a relieved sigh. Astarion pulls you in for a deep, tender kiss. The kiss is needy, but not in a sexual way. Astarion needs you to know that he really does adore you- his affections are absolutely not fake.

He finally has to pull back to let you breathe and you wrap your arms around his neck.

“You make me so so happy, Darling,” Astarion whispers tearfully, “I really don’t want to lose you.”

“Star, I adore you for all the sentimental reasons,” your eyes sparkle as you look at him, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Astarion tries not to show how relieved he is, but the way his shoulders slump gives him away.

“We don’t have to have sex, you know,” you say quietly, “I can wait until you are ready. I want you to be happy and feel loved more than anything.”

Astarion is surprised by the choked sob that escapes his lips- pulling you in closer.

“That sounds like a challenge.”

“Yeah well,” you pull back and smile at him, “I triple dog dare you to prioritize your wants and needs first!”

Astarion rolls his eyes at you and tries to hide the grateful tears threatening to spill from his eyes. You are his most favorite person across all the planes. He is so grateful for you, your patience, and how much you try to understand him so that you can support his healing from centuries of abuse.

“Cheeky pup.”

You grin widely, “the cheekiest.”

“Hmmm well,” Astarion slyly smirks, “if we are going to play this childish game…”

You pout, jutting your lower lip out. Astarion places a chaste kiss on your cheek before whispering in your ear.

“I triple dog dare you to be something real with me.”

Astarion’s nerves are going haywire- praying to every God he can think of that you still want to be serious with him.

Your smile could light up the entirety of the Shadow Cursed Lands. You give him a short sweet kiss on the cheek and A kunik*.

“Dare accepted.”

*A kunik means nose kiss in Inuit

[httpiastri]

❣️ I just read your confession post for oscar and others! Can you do it for other drivers like Paul, Ollie, and Kimi? Love your writing! You inspired me to start my own Formula blog :D

❣️ – send me a prompt and one/a few drivers and i'll tell you how i think they would react!!

paul aron

paul is no stranger to short-lived flings and summer romances, but he's not as familiar with the feeling of his heart fluttering the way it does whenever he thinks about you. he isn't used to the way that he thinks about telling you whenever something good happens to him, nor the way that he wants to ask for your help when he's going through something. he doesn't understand why you're the first thing he thinks about in the morning, and the last thing on his mind before he falls asleep. it takes him so long to figure out these new feelings, and when he eventually realizes that he's falling for you, he just gets scared.

he has no experience with these feelings, and everything he's heard about real relationships – commitment, trust, loyalty – sounds terrifying. but it doesn't take long for him to realize that it's worth it if it's with you.

i think the confession itself would be quite impromptu and unplanned. i'm imagining a movie night at his place, with you cuddled up to his side, when he just can't hold back anymore. when he asks if he can tell you something, he sounds just as playful as he usually does, so you never could've guessed the words that fall from his lips after that. "you're so... special. in a good way, a great way. and i... i think i'm falling for you."

ollie bearman

i see ollie as... kind of shy in this way? he isn't embarrassed or cowardly, but something in him makes that first real step a little too hard to take. i think ollie would much rather find a romantic, subtle way to do it.

one day, you're surprised to hear your doorbell ringing – you aren't expecting anyone, right? and you didn't order anything, did you? when you open your door, you find only a big bouquet of flowers standing outside it. you smile to yourself as you pick it up, your mind instantly wandering off to the tall, handsome brit you've been spending a lot of time with recently, who has had a bit of a habit of giving you flowers. this bouquet is especially big, though, and you try to search through your mind for any possible major occasion the bouquet could be for as you bring it inside.

but when you set it atop your dinner table, a note falls out from in between the flowers. and on the note, in ollie's messy handwriting, comes that confession you've been waiting so long for.

i like you. i really like you, and i would love to see what we could be. only if you feel the same way, of course. (please forget about all of this if you don't)

i'm sorry for not having the courage to say this to your face, but i would love to see you tonight if you're free. please call me.

sincerely, your bear ☺︎♡

kimi antonelli

kimi would be very spontaneous about it. he would not be planning it; it would come as just as much of a surprise to him as to you. i see it coming when you're sitting next to each other in class/the truck/etc, and you've been playing around with him and bothering him for quite a while. when you notice that your attempts to disturb his focus haven't worked, you turn to tickle him in hopes that it will work better – and it definitely does.

kimi folds over instantly, gasping loudly as his own hands come down to wrap around your wrists. "you're so annoying!" he exclaims, switching to hold both of your wrists in just one of his hands, as his other hand gives you a playful slap across the face. "you're lucky i like you so much, otherwise..."

you both come to a halt at his words, neither of you having expected them. instead of addressing it, though, he settles for moving his hands to tickle you instead, hoping to distract you from what just happened. you definitely won't forget, though, but the change is only for the better.

[maleyanderecafe]

Apple for a Teacher: A Yandere Love Story (Visual Novel)

Created by: ataraxic

Genre: Horror/Romance

The screenshots on this one are a bit different because I played this game on my mac instead of my pc, so it looks a little weird on the preview. I played a previous game by this creator called Yandere Love: Chains of Fate, which features another character. This one features another character in this world, Ciel. If you've read my previous review on this series, you'll know my overall feelings about this game as well, because despite the couple of years that I haven't thought about this game, I still have the same opinions on it.

The story starts with the MC going to university. They're happy that they're finally free from their professor Ciel as they've finally passed their class. We learn that the MC really hates Ciel as he's very blunt and seems to have a vendetta against the MC. The MC was failing Ciel's class, so Ciel helped to tutor them, as the MC doesn't really know anyone else on campus. They're very happy when they find out that they're able to pass the class and don't have to deal with Ciel anymore and even more excited that they got into an elusive internship on campus. Ciel ends up asking the MC to a fancy dinner at an Italian place as a celebration of them passing their classes. The MC accepts as they want to eat at a fancy place and gets (begrudgingly) driven back to her place by his chauffeur. Ciel waits for the MC to change into more proper clothing as well as criticizes a lot of their outfits in the meantime. At some point, Ciel ends up seducing (?) the MC unintentionally and they can either go further or try to deny it.

If the MC goes further, Ciel and them will end up having sex, with Ciel even confessing that he's always loved the MC. Afterwards, however, the MC seems to be in shock about what they've done and attempts to push Ciel away.

If the MC decides to deny it and push Ciel down, Ciel will get angry and end up raping the MC, traumatizing them. The MC tries to get Ciel to leave afterwards.

Ciel, however, isn't having that as he's been looking for a partner to have children and live together with. He ends up forcing the MC to pack up and essentially kidnaps them. As the MC is forced into the car, they think about how no one will know that they're gone, as they have no family nor friends, with the only people who really would notice would be the fact that their internship might be looking for them. They end up falling asleep in the car before waking up chained to the bed. Ciel waits for them to wake up, introducing them to their new life together.

If you've read my previous review on Yandere Love: Chains of Fate, you'll probably know a lot about my criticisms with this game. The artwork and design of everything looks wonderful as always. The backgrounds, sprites and UI are all really professionally made and the music itself is pretty nice too. Unfortunately, I just don't really like the style of how this person writes too much because the relationship between the MC and the ML is usually just not fun to read (for me).

The MC of this game is different than the one in Dameon's game but instead of being pretty frankly stupid and making dumb decisions, they instead are very cynical and bitter of their position. It makes sense to a specific extent considering that Ciel loves to berate them but it does encapsulate a lot of the things I don't like about MCs in a lot of the more recent yandere vns I've played. A lot of yandere MCs tend to have this kind of cynical attitude- they dislike the job or position they're in, tend to be very grumbly about everything and don't really have any friends, and if they do have family they tend to not be on good terms with them. That in itself isn't necessarily always bad, however, it does get tiring to read. As my friend Cherry says, it's hard to really root for these types of MCs if we the audience can't even see why the yandere might be into them. I usually don't really mention this in my recommendations because the MC isn't really the main appeal of the game (and most people end up self inserting regardless), but it does get annoying when I have to go through the same type of personality over and over again. In some cases, it makes more sense as there is a bit of backstory into why this MC might act like this which is more understandable. This MC falls into a lot of the tropes of the recent MCs including the part where they find the yandere hot and bang him despite only really knowing him for a bit (and in this case also hating him, which is a whole other thing). I know there is such thing as hatesex, however, there wasn't really any indication of the MC finding Ciel attractive until right before the two of them have sex. It's also strange to me that they don't even try to fight (?) Ciel at all when he gets them to pack up their things and get in the car. It makes more sense in the route where Ciel rapes the MC, but otherwise it still feels sudden like it came out of nowhere. I would have thought there would have been at least some resistance or a proper threat that Ciel would have made. To be honest, I think this is likely also a problem with the pacing of certain choices as the MC's actions make a lot more sense if Ciel does end up raping them instead of simply just having sex with him.

Ciel is... mean, to say the least. In Dameon's case while he was usually just mean if the player chose decisions that he didn't like, Ciel is just straight up cruel. Not only does he outright insult the MC for not being able to pass his class and berates them while tutoring the MC, he also criticizes the MC's wardrobe choice when they're trying to find the right outfit for the dinner, even calling the MC a whore at one point, which I feel is super uncalled for (although kind of funny out of context), which the MC simply just... brushes off. There isn't really any indication that Ciel even likes the MC, which you could say is part of his more tsundere (well, I'd assume it would be tsundere, though we don't really see the deredere part) attitude, which makes the sudden kidnapping pretty jarring. It's hard to say why Ciel might even like the MC other than they're attractive and possibly easy to control, but the demo doesn't go far enough to tell what is going on. We do know that Ciel has a more traditional view of life, wanting to (essentially) have a "wife" and children, living together- similar to Vincent in Dead Wishes though we have yet to see the full progression of it. This type of yandere is pretty interesting as I don't really see it that often nowadays (and it is pretty cool seeing what they do to try to maintain that ideal) so hopefully in future iterations, this is shown more for the story. Still though, Ciel is very unlikable, even in terms of characters you hate to love kind of way, at least in my opinion. Besides that, he is rich and kidnaps the MC in a fairly nice place all things considered, though he's just as rude to them when they wake up. I can see people liking Ciel in a horror type of way because the game itself does do pretty well in setting up a more horror like story of being kidnapped, raped and forced to marry, but I would not at all call this a romantic type game even in the slightest even though the relationship seems to be more of a love hate one. Perhaps it might change in the future, but as of current, I'm not really buying that Ciel is in love with the MC.

So as I said, this game is not for me, however, if you did like the previous Yandere Love: Chains of Fate, then you will probably like this one as well. If any of this did interest you, then please give it a try.

[wangxianficrecs]

To Bring You Back Within My Reach by ablaiseofglory

To Bring You Back Within My Reach

by ablaiseofglory

M, WIP, 20k, Wangxian

Summary: Lan Wangji, tired of the distance created by his own hand, does not know if his husband will ever be happy in Cloud Recesses, if he will ever get to see that beautiful sunny smile directed at him ever again. He knows that the way his husband avoids him now, won't speak to him now, is his own fault. He knows he was too harsh, too cruel, at the beginning of their union to ever be the reason that Wei Ying smiles again. He watches his husband smile wistfully at their youngest disciples from a distance, his uncle never letting him anywhere near them, and thinks if only Wei Ying had a child to dote on, to love, that he would be happier. Knowing he has lost his chance for that child to ever come from him, he turns to all of the children he has seen his husband give food to in the streets, all the children he has smiled at, been kind to, and played with until a disciple pulls him away, and thinks, perhaps, he knows how to make Wei Ying happy again. AKA a historical romance fic which features the Lans being terrible, Lan Xichen focused on fixing that, Lan Wanji focused on simply fixing his relationship, and Wei Wuxian focused on being a surrogate parent to as many children as he can find (eventually). Kay's comments: Important disclaimer that this story hasn't been updated in three years, so keep that in mind, if you start reading it. When I just entered the fandom, I was absolutely obsessed with this story and even now, I think of it every now and then and re-read it recently and it really holds up. Definitely angst-heavy, the kind of story that puts Wei Wuxian through an emotional blender. The misunderstandings are heavy in this one, but so well-done. Excerpt:It had been, possibly, the worst 6 months of Wei Wuxian’s life. He felt that he had truly tried his hardest not to break a rule, and it almost seemed at this point as if Lan Qiren and the elders had it out for him, and had invented new rules just to spite him. His husband was the worst of all, always reprimanding him or making him kneel for hours, for what seemed to Wei Wuxian to be small infractions. He could not understand why Lan Wangji would treat him this way. Surely, he thought, husbands are supposed to help their omegas adjust. Surely they should not treat them like this. His husband had never offered him a single kind word. Wei Wuxian almost flinched at the sight of him now. The day after his wedding, he had tried to make friends with him, joking and cajoling, and had been met with glares so harsh you would think that he had murdered a baby right in front of him. He had tried speaking to his husband cordially at dinner, far more formally than he had ever tried speaking with anyone in his life, let alone a man he was supposed to be close to, and all that had happened was Lan Wangji saying that mealtimes were to be passed in silence. When he had tried to speak more, Lan Wangji had taken the food away! Sure, it was bland fare, but he was still starving! When he had protested that, Lan Wangji had stated that further infractions would lead to another punishment in the library on proper decorum. On and on it went that way, with Wei Wuxian trying to make any overture towards kindness or friendship, and Lan Wangji punishing him severely for each attempt. After three months of acting like it did not affect him, and trying again, he had finally succumbed. One could only be forced to kneel so often before they broke, he supposed.

pov alternating, canon divergence, omegaverse, arranged marriage, alpha lan wangji, omega wei wuxian, angst, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, strangers to lovers, slow burn, misunderstandings, miscommunication, good sibling lan xichen, yu ziyuan being an asshole, gusu lan sect punishment methods, mental health issues, mating cycles/in heat

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[futurecorps3]

okay but imagine meeting nikolai at a masquerade ball :00

𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞

Masterlist<3

Summary: A pleasant surprise in the masquerade's ball. Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x fem!reader Warnings: None I think!! Word Count: 1.4K Requested: Yes

A/N: THE ROMANCE THAT MASQUERADES CARRY HAS ME ON A CHOKEHOLD SINCE I SAW THIS REQUEST TYSM NONNIE! hope u like it and don't mind it's a bit short. <3

˚ · • . ° .

The corset was far too tight. She didn't get to wear her favorite color. The heels were killing her. More than two men had already approached her with terrible openers and she just wanted to go home. Y/N was really trying not to be selfish. She truly was; this night was very special for her father, as the masquerade ball was the first royal event her family could attend.

After years of bad luck with her parents' work, somehow, with savings and a recent escalade of people needing construction materials from all over the continent, they developed a small fortune into a big family-owned business that produced lots of money, meaning they went from being a middle-class family in Os Alta to making business with nobles on behalf of the king.

Word got around, and long-story short, his youngest daughter was forced to attend this ball with her parents. Looking around the room, there was no way they fit in here, but it was a dream of her father's, so she opted to get a tad tipsy with champagne and dance a little before she could go home. The room smelt like booze, expensive perfume, and laughter could be heard from every corner.

What did they find so amusing? From her point of view, the things she now had to get used to were pointless, boring and merely there to make positive appearances with the royal family, who wouldn't bat an eye at them, scarcely noticing their attempts. The girl sighed, watching some other boy in a fancy suit and golden mask approach her from the front, ready to reject him "nicely" as her father had suggested.

Then, a voice.

"This is all incredibly stupid." Simple.

Y/N turned around, finding a blonde head of hair with a blue mask staring at her. He was sporting a uniform like jacket with some medals over it and golden details all over... a general's son, surely. She wasn't sure if he was speaking to her or just wondering out loud since he was sweaty and short of breath, probably from dancing. However, he seemed to have read her mind, and that was enough to start a conversation.

"It is, people trying to impress people who won't even look at them directly in the eye." She chuckled, sinking into her glass of champagne, to which the boy gave a surprised stare. "You seem to have it against the royal family". Oh no. This was in no way a good start, or the setting to voice her complaints about the general injustice lived in her country.

"No! Not at all! I just-" "It's okay. I get it. They think they're too good for anyone, even though all these people are the backbone of their country, not the institution they represent. Ravka would be nothing without its people". A sigh of relief. Did this mystery man get it? He surely wasn't poor or looked like he could care less about social injustice and unfair judgments.

"How would you know?" She questioned, and he was amused, very amused. "Well, let's say I've done my own research over this land, contrary to my family's wishes". His family's wishes? Military men and women came from usually underprivileged areas. Maybe he was the son of some snobbish general who didn't want his precious boy to hang around peasants, but he decided against it.

Suddenly, he enveloped her hand in his, kissing the back of it while looking into her eyes. "Nikolai Lantsov", he introduced himself, lowering it back next to a seemingly limp body.

Oh.

People said he'd show up, but no one really believed it after many failed reunions who promised the prince's attendance. She should bow, her mom told her that she should if she ran into some member of the royal family. Her body reacted to her thoughts, grabbing a fistful of fabric around her and bending her knees in a polite bow. "Moi tsarevich... I'm so sorry, you must know I don't think sorely of our king and queen, it was merely an observation. Apologies".

Nikolai was awfully quiet. Y/N's head was down and all she could see were his shoes and people passing by. Then he laughed. He laughed. "Come on, dear, get up" he offered her his hand and stood straight once again, red in her cheeks. "First of all, call me Nikolai-" "Y/N" "-call me Nikolai, Y/N. Second, no need to apologize as I do think sorely of my family's ruling over the country. And third, that's not how I wanted to make you blush so please calm down, it's okay".

How could that ever be okay? Yes, the younger prince was greatly known for having major discrepancies with his parents and the model of government that was being followed, but it was only okay if HE said it. Not some random girl who just showed up and ran her mouth over the literal king and queen of her nation. She always found a way of fucking up.

"I always talk too much, I'm really sorry moi tsa-" "Nikolai". It felt wrong in her mouth, to be on first-name terms with such an important figure. She said it anyway, that charming smile of his making her weak on the knees and forgetting any kind of stupid hierarchy she was supposed to follow. "Nikolai".

"Why do you assume that's a bad thing?" he said, taking two glasses of whiskey from a waiter who was passing by, downing one and giving her the other "Hm?". She didn't quite hear the question, too focused on how his hands looked with so many pretty rings to the way his eyebrows furrowed briefly at the burning liquid. "Why do you assume talking too much is a bad thing?"

Well, that was new. This entire exchange was, really.

"Well I-" no words. She didn't know. He laughed. "You've been told it is, and I think it to be awfully human, therefore awfully lovely. We like being heard, and there is no reason why we shouldn't be". Another blush crept up her cheeks. Was he always like this? Y/N found, years later, that he had a certain fixation on questioning anything and everything around him.

He questioned limits, pre-impossed ideas, authority, words and virtually anything those beautiful blue eyes laid. Nikolai was that kind of special you find once in your life. "Do you uhm... want to get out of here?" she spat, not really thinking anymore. She wanted more of that. Whatever spell his charm casted upon her was doing wonders. "To where, exactly, darling?" he said, raising his left eyebrow slightly.

Teasingly.

"No, no! By no means am I suggesting something of such nature... I just want to talk to you" "We already are, love" "I'm aware, love. I mean, away from the noise and all these creepily masked people". Silence for a tiny moment. Then he offered his arm out to her, placing the glass he was holding previously on a table and directing his new acquaintance to the back exit.

When they got to the garden, the moon was up and she was the only witness to such an enchanting night for the young prince and the girl. At the time, their lifes didn't fit at all. Two opposites. But oh did their souls knew how to dance. Nikolai found himself at peace, away from the facade he kept around and the appearances to be kept long forgotten as he laughed with Y/N.

"You talk like a book," he said, smiling as they sat near one of the many fountains. You could hear the water streaming down cobblestones and some noises coming from the bushes, the noise from the party becoming merely a background behind their chat. Y/n couldn't help but laugh. "What is that supposed to mean?". Their thighs were touching and she could feel Nikolai tense up a little.

"You do! There are some... things you say that seem taken out of a poetry book." "Like what?" Her cheeks warmed at that, waiting eagerly for an answer to one of the most creative observations someone had made about her. "You said that if love isn't passionate and extraordinary, then it's a waste of time because there are too many mediocre things in life and love shouldn't be one of them" "It's just what I think" she shyly replied, fidgeting with her mask, long gone since they started their walk.

"Then that pretty little mind of yours must be a thrill to discover" "Would you?" "What?" "Like to discover it" "I'd love to, dear" Nikolai smiled sweetly, blue orbs swimming in hers. It was the night the fox found shelter. The night they fell in love.

[theladyofdeath]

Lady Death's Lover {VI}

Lady Death's Lover Masterlist & Summary

19th Century Period AU Nesta x Cassian Secret Affair / Enemies to Lovers / Forbidden Romance Fanfiction / Characters from Sarah J Maas / ACOTAR Based on a prompt sent in by anonymous

A/N: Oh my word...I have had the most difficult time getting this up this week! I'm sorry for the delay. I hope you enjoy! Thank you to everyone who reads, comments, likes, and reblogs! x

TW: marital abuse, sexual content, language, depression, alcohol abuse

This story is for readers 18+. Mature readers only. Content should not be read by anyone under 18.

Dear Cassian,

I must admit that I am completely miserable in Adriata. It has rained all week so I cannot go to the ocean, which is the only thing worthwhile to do here. I have also found zero romantic partners which has brought the boredom to a new level of heinousness. I do not think I can stand this place for more than a fortnight. By the Cauldron, I do not think I can stand it for another day. Perhaps I will cut my trip short. 

Do have enough diabolical fun for the both of us in my absence, will you? If I know you are causing chaos, that is enough for me for now.

Your Favorite,

Mor 

P.S. Try not to attempt to philander with any more married women. It’s very ungentleman-like. 

Nesta

My gowns are lovely.

The modiste has truly outdone herself. There are four in total and each matches the other but has its own personality. The fabrics are all deep blues and grays, meant to bring out my eyes. They are the colors I am most comfortable in. In fact, most of my wardrobe consists of blues and grays but no one has complained about it thus far. 

After transferring payment, my gowns are loaded into my carriage. Before making my way back home, I take advantage of the time alone and make my way down the street to my favorite bakery. I’ve never been one for sweets but they make the best macarons in Velaris and I cannot help but buy a box whenever I visit the modiste. 

It is when I’m coming out of this bakery that I see him.

For a moment, I forget how to walk. Every elegant thought vanishes from my mind and I am suddenly all too aware of the giant box of sweets in my hands. 

I pray he doesn’t see me and for a moment I feel I will get away with it, but then he turns from where he walks across the street and halts when he catches my eye. For a moment, we both stand there, staring at one another. 

Then the world around me comes back to life.

The city streets around me resume, full of life. Carriages hurry past and people rush in and out of the shops. The sky above, recently clear and bright, opens up and the softest of rains falls down upon me and my macarons. 

He still stands just across the street, watching me, although his head has since cocked to the side and a grin has begun spreading across his lips. A sudden sense of embarrassment floods me. I must look foolish, standing here in the rain with a box of baked goods while everyone around me starts to run to safety from the turn in weather. 

Oh, gods. 

He’s coming towards me.

“Lady Nesta,” he begins when he’s halfway across the street, “your dress. You should find cover.” 

I find my voice. “Ah, Mr. Nazari. Yes, I, um…yes.” 

I go to turn on my heels but, in true Lord Cassian fashion, he steps in front of me just before I can get far. “A lady should never be caught in the rain.”

“If it were not for you blocking me I would be well on my way to shelter, my lord.” I try not to sound too demeaning, but I cannot help myself. Every now and then that tone just seeps out and there is nothing I can do to stop it. 

He finds this funny, apparently. A chuckle escapes him and he nods. “Apologies. Good day, Lady Nesta.”

Not Lady Mandray.

Lady Nesta.

I somehow like it better coming from him, like it better than the title the rest of the ton refers to me as.

Lord Cassian steps aside and I go to stroll past him, but I stop when he begins to walk behind me. Turning, I lift a brow. 

He stops and rocks back on his heels. “Do not fear, I am not following you. I walked here and now must walk home, which is this direction. That is all.”

“How far do you have to walk?” I ask, the rain picking up. I worry more for the well-being of my macarons than my hair. 

“A little more than a mile, it’s no worry,” he says, shrugging, then continues on his way.

I hesitate, knowing I shouldn’t ask what I’m about to but asking it anyway. 

“Would you care to join me?” I ask, and he freezes, his back to me. “It seems we’re going the same direction and you should not have to walk in the rain. It seems a storm is brewing. You wouldn’t want to catch a cold.” 

Lord Cassian looks up at the dark clouds, the rain falling directly onto his face as he squints. He looks back to me, his face searching mine, but then he asks, “Are you certain? I don’t mind a little rain.”

Thunder rolls and lightning strikes, and I nearly drop my macarons. I swear it’s purely for my benefit when he clears his throat and says, “It would be a pleasure to join you, Lady Nesta.” 

I nod quickly as a downpour begins and hurry to my coach up the street. By the time I throw myself inside, my dress is drenched and my hat is drooping. Lord Cassian is in no better condition as he slides onto the bench across from me, his jacket drenched and his trousers sticking to his thighs. 

My breath catches at the sight of him and I suddenly feel foolish. It should be impossible for a man to look more dashing sopping wet, but he somehow manages to. That ridiculous, shoulder-length hair of his is soaked and dripping into his cravat. I don’t realize I’m staring until I meet his eyes, and suddenly I’m all too aware of every inch of my body and his. My cheeks turn pink and I have to clasp my hands together to keep them from shaking. 

The carriage jolts as it begins its journey and it makes me jump, which makes Lord Cassian grin…although he tries to suppress it. This was a mistake. That’s what I get for trying to be nice. This very thing reminds me why I do not do nice things often. Nice things always come back to bite me in the ass.

. . . . . . . . . 

Cassian

Lady Nesta looks equally stunning and uncomfortable, although her discomfort is not the type of discomfort that causes alarm. No, it’s the type of discomfort that tells me she does not do this often.

I do not know much about this woman but I do know that she’s not exactly…personable. I’ve heard what other women of the ton think about Nesta — Mor brought the gossip to our recent Monday tea time and I have a feeling Rhys put her up to it — and it’s not good. In fact, the ladies of Velaris think Lady Nesta to be brutally honest and permanently bitter. I, however, value honesty and think a certain level of self-hatred and introverted nature can be mistaken for anger or bitterness. 

Not that it should matter.

After my last encounter with Nesta, I vowed never to be around her again. Especially alone. Yet, the second I saw her stepping out of the bakery with a box-full of what seems to be macarons, my feet decided my thoughts should be damned and acted of their own volition. Before I could fully comprehend what I was doing, I was standing in front of her.

Now, I’m alone with her yet again, stuck in a coach as it rattles down the cobblestone. Outside, it’s pouring as it often does in the spring, and all I can think about is how her eyes keep drifting to me. 

I’m trying to also be inconspicuous about where my eyes are wandering, but from the way her pale cheeks are turning pink, I don’t think I’m doing it properly. 

Her light blue dress is clinging to her skin and I can’t ignore how her breasts are even further on display behind the soaked fabric. It doesn’t help that her chest is rising and falling, rapidly, as if she’s had a difficult time catching her breath since entering the confined space that surrounds us.

“You’re having a ball soon,” I say, because I’m not sure what else to say but I know that we can’t keep sitting here in silence, me trying my best to avoid the swells of her breasts, the way I can see her peaked nipples through the wet cotton.

“I am,” she says, voice soft but firm. “Will you be in attendance?” 

I clear my throat. “Yes. Thank you for the invite.”

I neglect to mention that I originally did not plan to attend, that being in the same room as her is too tempting and I’m currently going mad, but my brothers coaxed me into going. 

She gives me a curt nod before taking a deep breath and letting her eyes wander towards the closed window. I swallow, cursing as my eyes take another dive to her chest and back up again. Once the silence becomes too heavy, allowing my thoughts to run rampant and inappropriately wild, I ask, “Do you do this often?”

Nesta’s eyes snap to mine and she blinks. “Do what?”

“Come into town on your own,” I say, and I watch as she swallows and clenches her jaw. “Not even a maid with you? Isn’t that unbecoming?”

Her eyes narrow and if it wasn’t for the quick rise and fall of her chest, the way her skin is flushed, I would think she was offended and not something else entirely. “Are you implying that I do not live my life as a lady should, my lord?” 

“I’m implying that it is simply not safe for you to be traveling alone,” I say, and she watches as I run my hands down my thighs, trying to eliminate my sweaty palms. It does not work. “You never know others’ intentions when they see a woman alone.”

“It is the middle of the day,” she says, meeting my eye once more. “And I have my driver.”

“Still.”

We stare at one another for just a moment, but that moment is filled with so much silent, skin burning tension that I feel the need to loosen my cravat, shrug off my coat, but I don’t. I let it suffocate me, let her gaze strip me bare instead. 

If I slouched in the slightest, my knees would nearly graze hers. Suddenly the space between us seems so short, too short to make any rational decisions. This was a mistake. I should have stayed on my own damn side of the street. I should have walked. 

“Is that what this is, then?” she asks, and I blink.

“Pardon?”

“Do you have poor intentions, my lord?” she asked, clasping her hands on her lap. I swear they’re trembling.

“Need I remind you that you were the one that offered me a ride in your coach?” I ask, then add, “my lady.”

Her lips part, and it’s so slight that one has to be watching them intently to have seen it, which I am.

She shifts on the bench, words seeming to have left her. It’s the silence that makes me say, only because I cannot stand silence and I’ve already seemed to have dug myself into a hole of wickedness, “Perhaps it is you that has poor intentions.” 

Her head leans to the side, which is somehow unladylike and beautifully cunning at the same time, and the smallest of smiles plays on her lips. There’s no joy in this smile, only a cruel seduction that has my trousers holding back my hardening cock. Now it’s my turn to shift, and she notes it, those dark eyes trailing down until they’ve settled on my lap. Her eyes flare before snapping back up to mine.

“I am a lady,” she says, simply. “Ladies do not have poor intentions, only charitable ones. What kind of lady would I be if I were to let a gentleman walk through a downpour?” 

“Indeed,” I say, and I cannot even help how rough my voice suddenly sounds. 

This is ridiculous. I feel like I have never been around a woman before, or like I am once again sixteen and around a woman for the very first time. Furthermore, she’s married. This is highly inappropriate, but I seem to have lost control.

No.

That’s not entirely true.

If I had lost control her dress would be torn to shreds and I’d have her lying beneath me on this bench, worshiping every inch of her body beneath. 

“I am grateful,” I add, and she nods her head politely in response. I stay in control until a wheel hits a dip in the road and our bodies jostle, and we touch.

My knee hits hers and her foot lands on mine as she tries to stop herself from toppling forward. I don’t even realize my hand is on her leg, just above her knee, until we both look down at it.

I don’t move it.

She doesn’t ask me to, nor does she move at all. All that moves is the rapid rising and falling of her chest — a chest that my eyes are in perfect line with. Mustering every ounce of self control that I have, I go to lean back, to settle myself once again on the opposite bench until this torturous ride is over, but I don’t make it far.

Just as I move, Nesta places her hand on top of mine and I freeze. She’s looking at me wildly, searching my eyes for something. I don’t think I’m breathing at all. I have no thoughts in my mind whatsoever. All I can focus on is her intent eyes, her hand on mine, my hand on her skirts, her lips that are parted and begging to be kissed.   

Neither of us says a word.

“Just—“

Whatever she’s about to say evaporates as the coach slows and when it jerks to a stop, reality steps back in.

Nesta snatches her hand from mine as if she’s been burned and I take the hint, pulling myself back just as the door opens and I’m looking at the front door of my townhouse.

Not wanting to keep the poor lad standing in the storm, I take my leave and hurry to my front door, drenching myself further. I don’t look back at Nesta. I have a feeling she doesn’t want me to.

I have a feeling that whatever she was about to say, whatever would have happened if we just kept driving, would have surely led to utter regret.

Before I shut my door behind me, I watch Nesta’s carriage roll away, gone into the storm.

Calling for my butler, I beg for a drink to calm my still pounding heart. 

[lurkingshan]

La Pluie and the subversion of the faen fatale

Apparently me posting about La Pluie subverting major romance tropes is now a weekly occurrence, because this show just won’t quit! In this week’s episode, the show continued to give Nara a lot of time and care and generosity, and in doing so, came full circle on another major trope subversion: that of the faen fatale.

If you’ve read or watched any romance, you know the character type I am referring to: this is the ex-girlfriend who shows up to mess with our leads, insert herself into the love story as an obstacle, and generally cause drama and wreak havoc. In romance lit we generally refer to her as the femme fatale, and for the bl genre @absolutebl coined the term faen fatale, because they are endlessly clever. There are many many many examples of this character type in bl, but perhaps no better exemplar than Plern Pleng (my nemesis) from Together With Me. 

If you’ve seen Together With Me, you know how this is supposed to go. The faen fatale, traditionally, is not a nice person and does not have good intentions. She may be acting from a place of genuine hurt and dejection, but she is here to fuck shit up and cause chaos. She is cold and calculating and ruthless in her attempts to eliminate her competition and win her ex back. She is an archetype deeply steeped in misogyny, and part of the romance and bl genres’ long history of stories steeped in sexism, patriarchy, and heteronormative nonsense that they are only recently beginning to recover from. 

So La Pluie? This show that has been subverting romance tropes at every turn? Yeah, they had some things to say with their treatment of Nara, and boy did they deliver in this episode.

Even before this week, Nara has already been set up to be a sympathetic character. She and Patts had a very good relationship. They loved each other, and they were happy. She broke up with Patts after he formed a rain connection with another hearing loss sufferer, because even though Patts and Tai never actually spoke, and even though Patts told her he was committed to her, she just couldn’t handle him having that kind of connection with someone else, and felt it was inevitable that it would come between them. She ended things with Patts to protect herself. And ultimately, she regretted it. 

As she comes back into the story, she is quite straightforward with Patts (and with Tai before she realizes who he is) about her intentions: she regrets breaking up with Patts and wants to get back together. We also see that she had reason to hope, due to a night where Patts drunkenly kissed her shortly before he met Tai. There are no tricks or schemes here - she tells Patts and anyone else who asks straight out what she wants. In her conversation with Tai when they first meet in episode 7, it is established that Tai likes her and wishes her well, a clear signal to the audience that even as she is interfering, she is not meant to be read as a villain. When Patts finally tells her he has met his soulmate and can’t be with her anymore, he does it with gentleness and care, because Nara has done nothing wrong and deserves only kindness from him. And once she realizes who Tai is, Nara backs off from Patts immediately, apologizes and confirms that she is giving up on him, and helps them all find Tai.

That was already great stuff! I felt so warmly toward Nara at the end of episode 8, and I expected that was where the story would leave her.

But La Pluie had more to say! 

This week we get what is probably the best treatment of an ex-girlfriend character I have ever seen in any drama, not just in bl. Nara does not just conveniently disappear from the narrative now that she’s no longer an obstacle to the romance. She is still here, and her story still matters. So we get to see her go to Tai, apologize to him directly for the misunderstanding between them, and start gossiping and giggling with him about Patts (what did you whisper to him about, girl, inquiring minds want to know).

We get to see her receive care and sympathy from the rest of the group and have one final closure conversation with Patts, at Tai’s behest. We get to hear Patts say out loud that their relationship mattered to him, that he still loves and respects her, and that she doesn’t have to disappear from his life just because they can’t be together anymore, all while Tai looks on fondly. She is allowed to cry and express how hard this is for her even as she handles it with absolute grace, both with Patts and then again with Dream. We even get to see her bond with Dream and affirm that she is not going to lose the friends she made through her relationship with Patts (and that Dream in particular may become even more to her in the future, oh my).

I really just have to applaud La Pluie for dedicating story time to this. Every time we think they are about to go down a more traditional dramatic path they surprise us. I continue to be so pleased and impressed with how intentional they are in their dismantling of these classic tropes.

[serpulalacrymans]

//so... I was thinking a lot recently about my blog, and honestly, there's some things I do not like and am aiming to change. Mainly in the way Lawrence is portrayed in his relationships.

//Let it be known that Law is a very selfish man, and if you're willing to give, he's willing to take. This isn't to say he doesn't care about who he's taking from, but most romantic reciprocation is not as it seems. He simply likes the attention and finds it too hard to let go of. (If you want to know what genuine romance looks like, it's intense infatuation and obsession. He will go the extra mile to stay in touch, to talk often, to interact as much as he possibly can for his person of interest, so much so that he feels entitled to their attention, and may even demand it.) Also, putting things to rest after I was cheeky and mentioned it in tags, I hate to "ruin the surprise" or anything, but I feel like it's important? Law, at this point in time, only sees potential in Ren, or in "Lamb." Good ole 🌫 Anon. I can go into detail why if anyone would like, but it's kind of complex and this is getting long as it is. But there ya go. I hope this makes it easier to navigate his interactions nonetheless.

//Next up is reminding everyone that this is an in-character blog. It's Lawrence typing, Lawrence posting. What he writes is not always what he really means or feels. He could be attempting to cater to a friend, to avoid an awkward discussion, or he could be overly mean because he feels like he needs to be- but, just saying, as an Oleander, like any other flower, he too can be a liar.

//Lastly, on the cutting board is Lawrence, and sexual activity. I don't have a problem with asks. I think those are fun! Finding what makes him tick is absolutely delightful- but actual sexual contact was not comfortable with me from the get-go, and I really should have just said something instead of wishing to throw my RP partners a bone. The doll-thread does NOT apply to this, as that is something Lawrence himself actively invited for his own selfish benefit, but for like.. "Canon" incidents where he has laid with other muses? I don't think I'm comfortable with that anymore. That kind of thing is very sacred to him and by bending the rules too much to cater to my partners, I have lost the plot and I'm sorry- but I think I'm excluding those from this point on. We can always discuss and actually plot, but, it's a long shot. Sorry...

//I will do my best to play the best Lawrence I can, but some very minor things need to change for that to happen. I'm sorry if I let anybody down somehow by posting this, but it's how it's gonna be. I will be going back to normal indefinitely after this is posted, so nobody has to worry about that.

//Have a good night everyone !! Thanks sm for reading if u bothered !!

[the-musings-of-a-manga-reader]

Sensitive Boy

TW: Rape/SA, PTSD

Sensitive Boy is a newer series delving into a bit of a taboo subject. The MC was raped in middle school by a female teacher. There is a certain stigma around this subject as some people think it’s not possible for a male to be raped by a female. Tho of course it does happen, it’s just not something that people really talk about or gets portrayed much in media.

As mentioned the MC of this series, Kaede, was raped by a female teacher in middle school before the start of the series. As a result, he has PTSD from the incident, having panic attacks revolving around females in certain situations. Such as when a girl accidentally fell on top of him. On the other hand, we have Tsubasa, a love interest, who is a romantic at heart and dreams of having a relationship like those in the shojo manga she read. Of course, those idealized romances don’t usually play out in real life. 

Kaede's first attempt to tell her about the incident in his past didn’t go well as the Tsubasa mistook it as just groping. But in a recent chapter, she realizes she misunderstood the situation and asks him what really happened, to which he explained everything.

I’m interested to see how Tsubasa handles this because she has such an innocent idealized view of romance. So far it’s not looking good, as she seems to find herself sick by this, focusing on the fact that he’s had sex (even tho it was non-consensual). Tho we also see that she’s having an internal debate about this. She’s disgusted that he’s not “innocent” but at the same time, she keeps reminding herself that it wasn’t his choice. I’m curious to see how this goes, will she be able to continue with this relationship? Or will she end things? 

Spoilers for the most recent chapter, ch. 16. 

This is a hard chapter to read. We see Tsubasa let out everything in front of Kaede. Telling him how she doesn’t know how to handle all this and asking could him if he really could have been raped by a female. Why didn’t he just fight back? Personally, this part made me pissed, he told her everything and then she has the nerve to question him if it really happened. I don’t think she and Kaede are a good match. She is far too innocent and filled with too many ideal fantasies to be with him. He deserves someone better. After she asks him if it was really against his will we see Kaede tell her to stop and says she doesn’t understand since she didn’t experience it. He breaks down apologizing for everything, crying and Tsubasa runs off leaving him alone. 

The sad thing about this situation is that people truly do think that. There is a misconception people have that men can’t be raped by women.  And in my opinion, it doesn’t help that we don’t talk about this topic much. We see plenty of media dealing with a female being raped by a male but almost never the other way around. I think this is why this series is important, it brings up this topic that people don’t want to talk about.

All Kaede wants to do is live a "normal" life. He wants a girlfriend, he wants to be like the guys his age and date, but it's not that easy for him sadly. As much as he wants a gf, his trauma isn't going to make it easy for him.

(Screenshots are from fan scans via Tanzanite Scans)

[clippedwingsmuses]

🇭‌🇪‌🇦‌🇩‌🇨‌🇦‌🇳‌🇴‌🇳‌ - 🇰‌🇴‌🇰‌🇮‌🇨‌🇭‌🇮‌ 🇴‌🇺‌🇲‌🇦‌

ooc: honestly more of a character study than a headcanon but i dont have another tag for that so i'll consider it part of this anyways (moreso because of my own personal interepretations here), this is going to be a tangent so strap yourselves in its a LOT of reading ahead yall

i've been listening to this song a lot recently, and honestly it really makes me think of kokichi's perception of relationships. so, i want to take a deep dive into some of his behaviours in regards to his relationships and feelings, and how he views them!

obviously, a lot of kokichi's character can be determined in the killing game, (the ugly parts anyways) but that makes moments in the udp and dating modes so interesting. more specifically, i wanna refer to the ultimate talent development plan mode and one of kokichi's interactions with gonta.

obviously this can all be portrayed as kokichi playing up the 'lying' part of himself, but it's always been obvious from the beginning, even before they were told they were in a killing game in v3, that kokichi keeps a distance from people. and that distance is much more than arms length. it's a rarity for him to find himself getting close to people, and usually he has some sort of ulterior motive when he does so (as shown in chapter 4's investigation with shuichi). the point of his persona is to make people want to avoid being near him, that way when he inevitably dies or disappears, nobody will feel upset about it and no one will mourn his loss.

even then, he still shows a desire to be close to people. he doesn't want to burden people by making them care about him, but he does still have that human desire to be cared for. and i feel like his want to keep people at a distance is why he got angry when gonta was upset he wouldn't be able to spend more time with kokichi, considering they were graduating soon.

but they're not in a killing game, so, why would he still do that?

it could very well be just a part of his 'supposed personality' that was amplified through the killing game, and he's just always been like that. or, it could be a trauma response of sorts, for him to fear getting close to people and people getting close to him because he's afraid he'll be hurt. he, in turn, could also be afraid of hurting others with his lying and pranks and such. something similar to that can be seen through his harmonious heart event in the dating mode.

the major point of the event goes to show that he knows his lying is what chases people away. but that's the point. and he even briefly considers pulling back or quitting entirely if it means getting close to just one other person. but of course, as shuichi would put it, no one can imagine a kokichi ouma that isn't a liar.

which is exactly why having any sort of relationship with him proves to be a struggle. friendships, romance, whatever familial relations he might have... none of them are there, or even healthy when they are. i imagine kokichi struggles to consider anybody a friend of his, even when they're deeply close to him. he probably only considers his classmates as 'allies' or 'acquaintances' of some form. the word 'friend' is just too much. it also makes his semi-implied crush on shuichi stand out, both in terms of the themes that they represent and how their personalities bounce off eachother.

although, it's difficult to say how deep those feelings can go with kokichi. he sort of enjoys having his lies figured out, to an extent, and that might be part of what gives him that desire to get close to people. he tries to make himself unpredictable, to stand out and be a voice that no one wants to hear, tell the jokes everyone hates, and like he showed during the attempts to beat the death road of despair, he'll also be the only one to speak his mind when everyone else is too afraid of hurting feelings.

him being a good liar means he has an easy time picking up when people are being genuine. that's why we go back to his event with gonta; he knows that gonta isn't a liar, not a good one anyways, and that angers him. the same thing happened during the chapter 4 trial where because of gonta's memory loss, he couldn't effectively prove his innocence in the case, and in turn made kokichi's grand plan completely fall apart. gonta's genuineness pushes kokichi over the edge, and really showcases how deeply he struggles with the concepts of trust and friendship.

let's talk about kokichi's reaction to gonta's execution after the class trial. the fact that no one could see through kokichi's insanity infuriates me to no end. naturally during that event, most people were distraught over gonta's death, but that also included kokichi. as much as he tried to avoid getting close to people, he got close to one person. and he ended up getting the only person who showed genuine care for him killed. all the guilt was setting in that very moment, and it broke him mentally.

emotions were high for everyone, but kokichi was the worst case of it. this wasn't a moment where he could show that he did feel genuine guilt, because of the image he'd spent the last few weeks of the killing game building up. he had a part to play. he's an actor. he couldn't break out of character. so, he amplified the worst parts of himself to hide how he felt, because he wouldn't dare let them see him for what he really is. no one could see that in their situation, kokichi was just playing a part to keep people from seeing through him. even still, being told that he'd always be alone still hurt him. that much is an obvious factor just because of the sprite change. to quickly change the topic and walk away as if he's unaffected is something kokichi could be well known for, because that's not be the first time he's done it.

kokichi has a habit of doing that. walking away means he doesn't have to lie, and it means he doesn't have to be genuine. it leaves his feelings open and ambiguous. but this was a situation where they were more blatant, and no one caught onto it. no one could blame them of course; gonta was universally liked, and kokichi is universally hated. it's not right, but it makes the most sense for how kokichi feels to be ignored in that moment. to the remaining characters, kokichi isn't the kind of character who feels remorse for his actions. but that's their worldview, not how things actually are.

and after that point, the way he acts changes to an extent. he's still the same old annoying liar and manipulator, but there's something about the way he speaks that feels... off. it feels like after gonta's death, he pushed the villain act even harder than he did before, to the point where it does appear to be 100% genuine. and that's not how kokichi is. the person that he was before gonta's death and the person that he is during chapter 5 are two extremely different people.

that's what makes him having relationships of any kind interesting. he needs someone there that can really pick him apart, know how he is and bounce off it, not try to change him but try to understand him, and play along. and most of the people that he knows right now aren't willing to do that. as a result, there's a high chance that when he meets people outside of his class, he's going to automatically assume they're going to be the exact same way and treat him no different.

this can be shown in a lot of his udp events with the dr2 and dr1 cast as well.

nagito is blunt with the fact that kokichi makes it obvious he doesn't want to talk about himself. and it wouldn't be that kokichi would be trying to hide that, but having his feelings laid out like that still frustrate him to an extent. gundham also relates himself to kokichi; he uses kokichi's talent and his own self-proclaimed title as a demon as an explanation for why they can't interact because, and i quote, it's not possible for 'those who wear masks of darkness' to mingle. kyoko also barely makes an effort to discuss with him due to his lying nature, attempting to step out of a conversation with him as quickly as she can (but we know how that went).

i would mention hiyoko's events with him as will, but hiyoko is naturally mean so i'm not sure if that's a fair assessment of her treatment towards him.

as far as interactions with the v3 cast during that mode go, there are a few that stick out to me as well. namely, kokichi being genuinely surprised when kiibo is willing to change his view of their relationship. as much as kokichi aims to piss him off all the time, kiibo does still consider them friends in the end. kaito's event with him is also interesting, as when kokichi mentions they won't be seeing eachother after graduation, kaito considers it a lie and says they might meet again just because he's a liar. kokichi ends up complimenting kaito for this as well, which is something he very rarely does for others.

in comparison to gonta's event, kokichi doesn't get angry at kiibo or kaito for their behaviours. its likely a testament to the fact that they don't have gonta's gullible and genuine nature. kokichi's view of relationships and how he treats them relies heavily on his lying, and how others lie. it's interesting to him, because while he lies to keep up a persona and for fun, others only lie when they're aiming to do good. everyone is a liar in his eyes, probably brought on by the fact that he's a liar himself.

that's why seeing him build up genuine relationships is so interesting. there's a point where kokichi most likely feels that his lies are needless, that he can completely fall apart and act 'normal' around someone without it being brushed off. there's a point where he can be taken seriously, and not have it used as some sort of joke he's trying to tell.

but as much as kokichi wants all of that, he hates to be genuine. the thought of people caring about him makes him sick to his stomach, cause he doesn't think that's how things are supposed to be. he doesn't feel that he deserves that much. but it's difficult to say what made him like this, and it's difficult to determine why he would still react in these ways even outside of the killing game. really, its up to interpretation.

[river-in-the-woods]

Tips on divining for others

As someone who has been giving free readings on the internet for a modest while, I have some tips to share if you want to sharpen your skills.

🌿 Find your audience If reading for friends and family is not an option, there are many forums, Discord servers and other social platforms for you to practice on strangers and then cut all contact if it gets too weird or embarrassing! (Try not to ghost people too much though, you should practice your communication skills as much as your divination).

🌿 Get clear on your goals This is kind of obvious I guess, but instead of just “practice divination”, decide on some clear achievable goals like: – Practice a particular divination tool X amount of times – Practice a particular spread X amount of times (because each spread brings its own style of interpretation to the reading) – Get X number of positive feedback from querents – Make X number of brave predictions about the querent (and get X number correct!)

🌿 Experiment This is the ideal environment to try out something new. Mixing up different divination tools, breaking in a new deck, changing up your divination style, trying a new pre-divination ritual, and making brave predictions about people’s past, present and future! Every success will build your confidence, every failure will teach you something – if you reflect on it patiently and mindfully.

🌿 Be humble and accept mistakes graciously You will get things wrong and be totally off. This is okay and happens even to advanced diviners. Be upfront about the fact that you are doing this to practice, and if you get it wrong – be light-hearted and have a laugh about it!

“Oh haha, I was totally off! Thanks for correcting me!”

Ask questions, get the correct answer, and relate it back to your divination tool. Then diagnose the reason why you misinterpreted. You didn’t cleanse your deck recently, you’re having a bad day, you’re distracted, you didn’t vibe with the querent, etc. Next time, tweak your pre-divination preparations and see if things change.

🌿 Ask about the querent’s existing knowledge This will save you time. If you are doing a romance reading, ask if the querent is dating. If you are reading for career, ask about the querent’s education and career path. You don’t need much detail, just enough to help you interpret what comes out of the reading. There is no point in you spending time divining knowledge the querent already has! (Unless you’re doing this specifically to practice and get quick answers about your accuracy). Instead, just ask them, and focus on divining the things your querent isn’t clear on, so they come out of it with a little more perspective. This is the goal of divination.

🌿 Be firm about receiving constructive feedback You spent all this time and effort constructing a thoughtful reading aaand... the querent just goes “thanks, that resonates”. This will not help you develop your skills, and it is also the querent lacking in manners. Expect reciprocation! Deal with this as professionally as you can. For instance:

“I would appreciate it if you give me some constructive feedback on the reading I just did for you.”

If they do not give constructive feedback, kindly explain what it is:

“By constructive feedback I mean, please reflect on every aspect of the reading and talk me through how it helps you, and how it relates to what you experienced – in this case, perhaps the events surrounding [the subject of the reading].”

And if they still do not reciprocate, blacklist them. If they attempt to contact you again, simply say:

“I appreciate your trust in me, but I am doing this to practice my skills and I need proper feedback to improve.”

If you are giving a reading about the future, of course the querent can’t tell you much about what they think of it. In this case, it is a good idea to check in with them at a later date and ask them how things went. This is a small request, one the querent should be happy to honour, and will help you very much.

🌿 Sometimes querents just want to vent This happens especially when querents ask about their relationships, especially romantic ones. You will very likely come across the “what does my ex think of me” crowd or the “advice on my love life” crowd when giving readings.

Usually these kinds of people won’t listen to you unless you tell them what they want to hear. They might thank you for the reading but continue riding the disaster train. You might even get an essay on someone’s entire life story and all their relationship drama. It’s up to you whether you want to moonlight as an amateur therapist (or if you are a professional therapist, you ought to be paid for it!)

If you’re doing divination with the desire to help people, then a few kind words will suffice. Thoughtful and practical advice is great if you can provide some. Divination services can attract some very desperate people who just want someone to give them the answer. Your readings are a puzzle piece in the mystery and an opportunity for the querent to receive help from a kind stranger, but you cannot fix someone’s life for them. Wish them luck and send them on their way.

🌿 You don’t have to read for everything Get clear on what subjects you’re willing to read for, and what you want to avoid. Legal matters, pregnancy, medical health, spirit/deity contact, death, ex-partners – these are common ones people don’t want to read for. You can if you want to, but make sure you’re not liable for any advice you give (especially if you charge money for your services). Tell people not to take you too seriously. A common disclaimer is “this is purely for entertainment purposes.”

Similarly, you have no obligation to read for querents that are rude, unresponsive, rambling endlessly, or just... asking weird questions.

🌿 You are paid for your effort This is for those who do paid readings. Personally I have only ever done readings for free (that may change) but don’t feel guilty about charging money, even if the reading was not the quality they expected. You are being paid for your time, and for performing a service. And if the querent accepts this transaction, it was their choice to do so. Make this clear at the very beginning.

[libertyreads]

May 2024 TBR--

Connor Cow and I are excited to talk about the books we're planning on reading in May. (AKA look at my cute stuffed cow because my physical TBR is TINY.) I have three Kindle books and three NetGalley ARCs I plan on reading during the month so the physical TBR for the month is small. I'm so excited for my reading plans for the month. I've already started one of the Kindle books and I am INVESTED.

Teen Titans: Beast Boy Loves Raven by Kami Garcia and Gabriel Picolo-- I'm continuing my reread of the Teen Titans graphic novel series. Up next we see Beast Boy and Raven meet and we see them starting to put the pieces of the puzzle together. This isn't my favorite of the series (that one's next month), but I still enjoy the Teen Titans graphic novels so much.

Aesop's Fables by Aesop-- I found this beautiful collection of Aesop's Fables when visiting a small bookstore in San Antonio a few months ago and I decided this would probably be a good choice for May since I am back to school and I need some light reads to help me push through the month. There are more than 200 short fables (less than one page per) that use animals to discuss human problems. Some are as short as two sentences. Some are as long as five or six sentences. I'm hoping to finish this one early on in the month.

Blood Over Bright Haven by M.L. Wang (Kindle)-- Okay. So this is the one I'm already SUPER invested in. I started it at the end of April and I'm 100 pages in. All of the people who said this book made them angry were so right. This was sold to me as a standalone dark academia novel featuring a woman trying to survive the magic school as the first woman admitted to the High Magistry. She has the janitor forced upon her as her assistant as a cruel joke by others in the High Magistry. And we follow them as they try to make it in this magical school. The absolute rage I've felt in the first 100 pages is astounding. I can't wait to dive deeper into it.

Faking It with Number 41 by Piper Rayne (Kindle)-- This is the next book I'm picking up in the Hockey Hotties series. In this one we follow Ford who is the heir to Jacobs Enterprises, but with a career in the NHL, he doesn't want to fall into the family business. His father agrees...with one condition. He fakes a relationship with the family's PR rep. But do things stay pretend? Or does Ford find himself in an even bigger pickle than he was in before? I liked Ford in the other book I read in this series so I'm excited to read his story.

Pacific Rim by Alexander C. Irvine (Kindle)-- Did I really buy a novelization of a movie I watched last month? Am I really about to read it...despite having watched the movie two times now? Yes and Yes. Hey. Hi. Hello. Have you met me? The Resident Hyperfixation Expert is here to continue the hyperfixation. Pacific Rim follows a former Jaeger pilot and an untested trainee as they attempt to push back a giant Kaiju and keep the world from the edge of defeat in their war against the Kaiju.

Icon and Inferno by Marie Lu (NetGalley)-- This is the second book in the series which follows a spy and a pop star as they team together to take down a very bad man. I reread book one recently and remembered how much I love Winter and Sydney. In the first one, we saw Winter brought into the agency and trained up as he joined Sydney on a mission to bring a rich, and bad, man to justice. I was so worried reading book one the first time that this would be a one and done situation with their partnership, but in book two we've got the gang back together and I'm so excited. This time things get a little more personal for Sydney which I think will really up the stakes (and possibly the romance).

The Calculation of You and Me by Serena Kaylor (NetGalley)-- The GoodReads pitch is as follows: "A calculus nerd enlists her surly classmate's help to win back her ex-boyfriend, but when sparks start to fly, she realizes there's no algorithm for falling in love." I'm excited to meet this moody musician and this math nerd and see how they inevitably fall in love. I've read from this author before so I'm excited to dive on in to a new one.

The Stars Too Fondly by Emily Hamilton (NetGalley)-- When I heard Kayla from BooksandLala talk about this one, I had to request it. This is going to be a genre mash-up that could be everything for me: Sci-Fi/Romance. It's pitched as "part space odyssey, part sapphic rom-com." Four twenty-somethings accidentally steal a spaceship and as the ship travels deeper into space, the laws of physics start twisting and old mysteries come crawling back to life. I'm going to try to go into this one without knowing too much, but I was so excited to get an ARC for this one.

I do want to clarify that reading all of these is my goal for the month of May. But I started a class in April and if I need to then I will start pulling things off of my TBR in order to keep up with my coursework. I'm hoping that having a couple of short and easy reads for the month will make it easier to hit my daily page goals.

[dragongirldg]

Hellooo there how are you

anyways if you want you can use this post to infodump on whatever you want

Info dumping huh? Well then.

I have been the biggest fan of this one ship for as long as I remember. Back in high school, I developed an interest in Homestuck. I obsessed over John Egbert specifically.

As I read fanfiction and looked at fanart, no ship sparked. I didn’t really care. I would read and yeah it’s cute and blah blah blah not my OTP.

Then the worst thing could have happened.

I looked at a crack ship and then I was fxcked. The more I thought about it, the more I loved it. Karkat who? Dave who? Dirk who? Sollex and Eridan who? Literally everyone that’s a common ship WHO?

It didn’t stick with me.

Want to know what stuck?

Caliborn.

I had this idea of Calliope getting to John first and then breaking up for one reason or another.

Then Caliborn and John date or live together for other reasons.

Calliope doesn’t really come into the equation anymore or show up in my daydreams.

I don’t why, but I thought it was adorable if John just got bothered by Caliborn at every turn. They’d bother and fight and just it was cute how much they antagonized.

Then I started developing my trans Headcanon and June eventually makes her first appearance without her being June. It’s only recently (late 2022? - 2023) that I heard the name June and went from there.

I would draw and write fanfiction after fanfiction adding and subtracting details.

June stays 8ft tall and Caliborn is slightly shorter by a few feet or inches.

Caliborn gets rid of the half shaved hair look for short curly hair.

I couldn’t stop doodling John all over my school work to the point my science teacher recognized him when I gave her a little quiz. She had a bearded dragon in the classroom and I loved holding them during class :3

(Don’t ask about the things I did in highschool)

I had a ton of ideas and a lot of them were problematic tbh so I’m still curving them out of my head for far better ideas.

No matter what fandom I became a part of John/ June x Caliborn never left me. I didn’t want to really read fics anymore since no one writes my ship.

Does anyone actually do pixies and Crocker and Harley and Egbert family dynamics? Do they ever have them interacting like a big extended family?

If I had the urge, I’d write my AU ideas more. (I’m kinda stuck at the moment, work burns me out to much and too often that I don’t have motivation to get through the one? Shot I have)

I am going to attempt to redraw this political romance fancomic I drew a long time ago to update it with my newest version of John/ June. That means she will be June. If I could find the notebooks I had.

With my inability to write I’m stuck with lackluster chapters and get nothing done. I need some form of energy boost for my creativity. It’s at an all time low at the moment, being used for other fandoms.

Like this Transformers AU that got me in a chokehold.

Optimom AU (I have a whole blog on it if you want to send asks and stuff)

Optimus becomes the mother of Soundwave, Sari, and Bumblebee. The seeker teens think of Optimus as their mother and there are like 9 of them. Not to mention the others that kind of sees Optimus as a mother figure.

Basically Found Family Trope :3

It’s more complicated than that and I have several fanfics and fanart (which is now found in the Blog)

The messy Age thing with Sari, it’s because I plan of having her die at some point (trauma) and I can’t in good conscience do that to a 3-5 year old (it’s by electrocution).

Yeah it’s messed up, but the world of Transformers is equally if not more messed up and morally grey :3

At least Ariel (Black Arachnia) and Sari get to become extensions of Unicron and Primus!

Sentinel redemption and Ultra Magnus retiring to become Optimus’ father.

There’s a lot to the AU I’m not going in to in this post but yeah!!! That’s it!!!

Honestly I could go on, but then the post will never end.

[0-scorch-the-earth-0]

Ooo you’re rewriting Recalibrate?

Kinda!

Essentially, yes, but it’s not the same recalibrate from before. I’m currently working on making a slightly new title, like “Recalibrated” or “Recalibrate Me”. I want to make the fanfic I originally intended to set out to make. A story of love, grief, and the power of growing with someone by your side.

I have a good description of what exactly I’m doing with recalibrate in a recent update of the fanfic. I’ll just copy paste what’s there and put it here for y’all to see 💕💕

Also, I was rewriting Recalibrate chapter by chapter there for a little while before I got too overwhelmed. It’s rewritten up to chapter 6, with better writing and some added scenes, so I highly suggest checking that out!!!

Also also, I wrote a preface to my notes release (which will make sense after reading what is below). It felt like a very important message, so I’ll copy that too.

The update I posted in Recalibrate:

Hey there, all!

It’s been… QUITE awhile since an update. I hope this email finds you all well <3

I’m unsure how many times I’m going to make this apology. It certainly has been too many times to count. But I’ll give it anyway; I’m sorry for disappearing on this story yet again. It’s both unfair to my unwavering readers and to my characters themselves.

I could make the excuse that life has been crazy. Which in all fairness, it has. I got engaged to the person I wrote about in an update so long ago (we’ve been together for over 5 years now!), we bought our first house, I got a stable job at a library, I’ve become way more invested in my cosplaying, I’ve made tons of friends, and I’m just generally more happy now than I ever was before! Which I guess brings me to my next talking point?

I wrote Recalibrate during a time in my life where there was a lot going wrong. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about what I was going through, but it’s safe to say a lot of it came out in my writing. I was mentally unhappy, my parents controlled every aspect of my life (I was writing and posting Recalibrate in secret, as there was a strict “no technology” rule for me in my household growing up), and the only relationship I was allowed to have (straight!) at the time quickly became toxic and made me feel unworthy to be living. I’m sure some of that bled through into the plot of Recalibrate. That coupled with my immaturity meant there were a lot of things both added and missed in the story that didn’t aid it.

For example, the seamless set-up of Zane coming to terms with his artificialness as being something to respect and accept about himself would have led to some powerful character development, but instead I chose to have an ending where he gets magic-ed into being human. Doesn’t make sense to what Zane’s character needed to learn about himself as I know it to be now. And it was also a clear attempt to give myself an example of someone who successfully does not deal with their internal issues and just waits for enough self-sacrifice to happen before they are free of what ailed them without doing any introspection on their self-loathing :D And then for some reason, I also felt the necessity to add a big bad (Morro) into the story, and I distinctly remember thinking “well all good stories have a big bad, so I have to”, not comprehending that sometimes, a story can just be about two characters having issues and growing together. These are just tiny details of what I’m talking about. That’s not even bringing about that my romance writing was, looking back on it, stunted and skittish. Unrealistic. But I can’t blame my younger self. I never knew what an actual relationship, with real attraction and love and trust, looked like until I started living on my own and met my now-fiancé. Back then, I was just trying to do what everyone else was, not realizing until later that I’m not broken and that I literally was just a gay kid trying to pretend at being straight.

This is all to say that, this morning I woke up with a sore throat and sniffles, 5 days before my 25th birthday, saw some anonymous person had left kudos on Recalibrate, and decided to figure out what had really gone wrong in my motivation and love for this story (after chugging DayQuil of course).

You might not like what I have in mind for this story.

A lot of you loved Morro, and I’ll admit I loved my characterization of him and Archer and Bansha. I liked the lore I created for them and the dynamic the trio quickly settled itself into. But everytime I went to continue the rewrite for Recalibrate, this huge plot that I had devised as a 14 year old child would stare me down and make the task feel virtually impossible. I mean, I didn’t even get half way through my planned story, and that was before I started rewriting and adding even more things.

My plans were ambitious. And they were made without knowing myself, my limits, my desires; they were made without relying on my strengths as a writer. I was trying to do what everyone else did, and I wasn’t aware yet that my best writing has always come from character focused introspection and slowly budding romance, not from action or complicated puzzle-like plots.

So, I’m thinking about getting rid of the Morro stuff. I wrote such an idea in a rewrite note back in 2021. In fact, that was the last thing I wrote, before I likely became too heartbroken or too worried about disappointing you all that I didn’t reopen my notes document until today. But in order to deliver a story that I have promised for over a decade, I think I know what needs to be done.

I have notes, so many notes, on what the story would’ve been. Sometimes, when I’d lost hope that I could ever finish the story, I’d think about posting all those notes here for all of you as a declaration of me ending my long hiatus with one last “sorry”.

But I owe younger me more than that. I owe you all more than that. I owe the fandom that raised me more than that. And I’ll be honest when I say I don’t think younger me would’ve been all too upset about me scrapping the large plot I gave myself. After all, this fic was only originally supposed to be an explanation as to what happened to Dr. Julien, written before I even shipped Glacier.

If you mourn the old Recalibrate and the plot an on-the-whole different person made, I’m deeply sorry. If seeing the notes of all that would’ve occurred in the old plot would ease your grief, please let me know. As it is currently, I’m contemplating making another A03 fic as an archive with the chapters I will be deleting, as well as with the notes that would’ve carried me to the end, had I been built for writing extensive plots. Let me know if that interests you.

From here on out, I want to write the story I intended. I want to write the story that my heart wants to write, instead of the story my brain thinks people want. These characters have been banging on my ribcage for ages, begging to be let out and finally be written to an end. I will try my best to listen to them. I hope you all will still want to journey with me.

Thank you all <3

-Matty

The Preface I posted in Ao3 along with my first revealed notes:

In creating a closure to my original Recalibrate story, I’ve decided my first entry to be on the most vital page of my notes, of which I referenced more than any other page. The “End Goals” page, I called it. This page was written on 1/20/16, which was 17 days after I posted the first chapter on FanFiction.net (A fun factoid, which I am unsure how many of you know: I was posting Recalibrate almost a whole year before moving it over to Archive of Our Own. I didn’t know about Ao3 at the time, mainly because I wasn’t even allowed to be on the internet, and barely had enough time to sneak a post on ffn, let alone research other sites I could share my story to).

The end goals served as a road map for me, the writer. And for you, the reader, I assume they serve as somewhat of a table of contents for the updates ahead. A taste of where the story was going, and where it was to end up. For some of you, this very broad summary that follows below may be all you need to sate your curiosity. It gives no exact details. No play by play. Some of you may appreciate that more. If so, I’m glad to satiate you. But for those of you who wanted to know the specific details, the “who dies”, the “how”, I will be making further updates that include chapter specific notes, overarching plot notes, and even a map I drew (if I can figure out how to attach images to Ao3 chapters, that is).

For those of you who wish to keep the story forever a mystery, I appreciate that just as equally. But I suggest you should stop reading soon, then, because for all intents and purposes, we are now entering spoiler territory. If you can even call it that.

However you wish to consume the following content, I want to thank all of you. The comments, the kudos, the support, the dms on Insta and Tumblr; it has been everything to me. I never forget each person who has reached out to me saying I got them through hard times, sometimes that I saved their life. That my writing is their nostalgia, their safe space. I can never express how deeply impacted I am that my writing had such a profound meaning to many of my readers. And, of course, beyond. I remember, way back in the day, the author of then-not-written Chips and Salsa reaching out to me and saying they were inspired by Recalibrate in some way, shape, or form to begin writing a Glacier Fanfic. Which then became the most prolific fanfic of glaciershipping in probably the history of glaciershipping.

My impact has been greater than any scope I could have possibly imagined. I will never, ever take that for granted. I’m so grateful for the role I have been able to play in your lives. I hope, of course, that you may join me on my next journey. But if not, if this is where we part, I just wanted to remind you how special you are. How much you matter. And how grateful I am for your presence in this world, and the small slice of your life that you offered to me in spending your time to read my story, and to read this.

Remember: Ninja. Never. Quit. <3